The Confusing Life of Mr Doable
by SuddenlySandi
Summary: Edward is a self-centered gay man who learns what real love means when his friendship with Bella takes a confusing turn. All Human
1. Chapter 1 thru 3

**Stephenie Meyer owns the Twilight Characters**

**1**

The professor asked me to stay after class, like I was a kid in grammar school or something. He was an older, pudgy man, not worth the effort to imagine doing him. That was what my world consisted of, imagining doing other people. I tried to be a deep thinker, but it only made me think of the statue of the deep thinker, yeah, I would do him.

I came out to my friends and family my sophomore year in high school, nobody seemed shocked, because drop dead gorgeous guys like me are either players, or gay. I fancy myself as a gay player. I walked up to the professor's desk and looked at the picture of his pudgy family. Married couples tend to look like each other, it's gross.

"I would like to offer you a position as….."

Oh God, he's offering me a position, like something new would make him doable. I laughed and shook my head before I realized he wanted me to work with his teaching aide in the lab. This was absolutely doable. His aid was hot, like steaming hot, hot with a side of sizzle.

"Jasper?" I asked to make sure he didn't have some clone he worked with as his aide.

"Yes, Mr. Whitlock," he clarified.

"Oh sure, I'll work with Mr. Bigcock," I replied with a smile. Hell, yeah I would. He was the top rung of doable and I was willing to climb that ladder.

Professor Stanley handed me the small card with Jasper's information. I now had Jasper's cell phone number, office hours, and email. It was like handing me the Holy Grail. I walked out of class with a big ass grin on my face, until I ran into my best friend Bella.

Bella was a work in progress. She always picked the wrong guys, she was clumsy, could never get a full sentence out before starting a new one, and dressed like a trucker without being a lesbian. She wanted to be doable, but did all the wrong things.

"Bella," I said as I rolled my eyes, a move I had perfected into three categories…the subtle roll, the obvious roll, and the all out smack-the-bitch roll. "Just because the plaid isn't flannel doesn't mean it works. You look like a logger, and not the kind I like."

"Shut up," she said quickly and began playing with the buttons on her shirt. "I needed, you know, for a test, like something like…comfortable."

"Guess who I'll be doing this weekend," I said with a big smile.

"Anyone who looks, you know….makes eye contact, or well….a guy who happens to…."

I didn't wait for her to spit it out; we could be here all day, so I interrupted her attempt at speech and said, "Jasper Whitlock, male specimen extraordinaire."

"No way," she screamed and I laughed at her shock. I was sure most of the female population wanted Mr. Bigcock. But I knew something they didn't, no guy is that put together unless he is gay. He didn't have any feminine qualities, he just dressed too well.

I pulled out my phone and began a text to the very doable teacher's aide.

**Jas.** Yeah, I had a nickname for him already because I was confident in that way. **Mr. Stanley assigned me to you, great assignment btw, so when do you need me?** I added a winking emoticon to let him know I was playing with him already.

_Who is this?_ Came the reply. Oh yeah, kind of forgot that part. I smiled and texted my name, imagining him sighing loudly and getting hard at the thought of us 'working' together. I didn't expect the response I got. _I don't need an arrogant little shit helping me._

Oh man, it is on dude. I was many things, but a little shit was not one of them. I was tempted to take a picture of my big shit and let him see exactly what he would be missing, but this was a game I knew all too well. I kept my cool and replied. **Good thing you got me then**.

Bella watched my smile with confusion, or as I called it, her usual stare. She was lucky to have me as a friend, since I understood the world that confused her so much. I put my arm in hers and pulled her to the library so we could study. I made it a habit of never going home with school work. I stayed until I got it done and then left academic things behind when I left campus.

We were working hard and I was actually concentrating when someone leaned against the table to gain my attention. I saw his fingers first. They were spread wide and pushing forcefully on the oak, his hands had veins bulging their way up his tight forearms. I finally made it to his face, circled in blond curls with sky blue eyes. Oh my God, he was perfection.

"I want you to stay far from the lab," he said with a harsh whisper.

"Okay, do you want me to come to your place?" I asked with a smirk, because I had an adorable smirk. The only thing cuter was my ass.

His eyes widened and he leaned in closer. I was tempted to kiss him, but I assumed his lips were like potato chips and I wouldn't be able to stop at just one. "We have a friend in common," he said as he glared at me. "Emmett McCarty."

Ah shit, well there's the reason for his attitude. My ex, Emmett, was bound to tell him all kinds of crap about me. Emmett was still in the closet and afraid his He-man persona would be ruined by admitting he was gay, but man was he doable.

"Emmett's doesn't know his ass from a hole in the ground," I said. "And, believe me, I know."

"He's a great guy," Jasper said emphatically. Oh my, the Godlike creature in front of me had it hard for Emmett. I would have to work fast to make him see what a douche Emmett is.

"Hey, Professor Stanley told me to help, so I'm helping. Give me an assignment or put up with me shadowing you all day," I said and tried to look serious.

"Fine, feed the rats," he bargained.

"Really, because Emmett eats a lot," I said with my unfailing smirk.

He actually smiled, sort of. His perfectly pouty lips rose on one side of his mouth and a lock of hair fell into his eyes. He pushed it back and stood upright. "He told me to watch out for you," Jasper admitted.

Wow, Emmett thought better of me than I realized. He was pointing me out to other men, hot men, doable men, men I wanted looking at me. I pulled out my lethal weapon, no not that one, my smile. I had a killer smile. The only thing bigger than my smile, and my other weapon, was my ego.

"I'm happy to hear he misses me," I said and wondered if he actually did.

"He misses you like you miss a cold sore," Jasper said and added his own smirk, which was hot damn.

"He had plenty of those, too," I whispered and leaned toward him. He finally realized I wasn't alone and looked over at Bella with a pitiful glance. Bella got those a lot, probably from hanging around with gay guys too much. A girl with no sense of style would stick out like a sore thumb around my kind.

Jasper nodded to her and Bella opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out, so Jasper turned back to me. "Meet me in the lab tomorrow at one," he conceded and I nodded before adding a wink. "Oh Christ," he mumbled and walked away. He was so into me, he just didn't know it yet.

"He's dating, like, Um….your ex," Bella stammered.

"No, he's filling in time until we get together," I clarified. Emmett was nowhere near the level of Jasper. It would be like choosing ground round when you could have filet mignon.

We finished our homework and headed home. I shared a house with three girls. I had my own room, and so did Rosalie. She wasn't a lesbian, but she was bitchy enough to be one. Alice and Bella shared a room because Alice talked too much and Bella couldn't form a sentence. It was a cozy arrangement and worked well for all of us.

"Are you making dinner," Rosalie asked when I entered the house. It was my turn, but I wasn't in the mood to cook so I went for the juggler.

"You sure you want to eat, your hips look big in those jeans," I said and watched the heat rise from her neck and into her face.

"Screw you," she yelled and stomped out of the room. At least I got out of cooking. Bella punched my arm, because it didn't involve speaking, to tell me it was low. I shrugged and headed to my room. I got the master bedroom with my own bathroom. Alice said it was because none of them wanted to know what I do with men, but I think it was because the prettiest face should have the biggest mirror.

I took a long shower and dried my waxed chest before covering my body in lotion. I came out of the bathroom nude and found Bella sitting on my bed. "Are you coming with us….like to the….we're all going…the club," she said.

"I'll stop by, I'm going to look for a little action tonight," I told her and she made a face. Action to Bella meant a guy sticking around to hear her speak a full paragraph. They were all used to seeing men make the walk of shame from my bedroom to their cars, it wasn't shocking or new, they were just jealous more men left my room than theirs.

I pulled on my underwear and turned around to see Bella looking at her fingernails, which she constantly chewed on. I walked over and bent down to look into her eyes. "What, you look like you want to say something, so say it."

"I just….you know, Jasper, he's like…well…good, you know?"

"Are you telling me he's out of my league or to treat him well?" I asked her and got ready to throw her from my room if she said he was too good for me.

"Just… be nice," she warned and stood to leave.

"I know a lot of ways to be nice," I said with a laugh. "If I can get him to my bed, I promise I'll be very nice."

"You're a whore," she said as she left the room. Oh yeah, that she can get out without a stutter. There may be hope for her yet.

I got dressed in my typical style, tight shirt to show off my chest, tight pants to show off my treasure chest, and enough gel in my hair to look like I came from my bed where some hot guy was appreciating my chest and treasure.

I added cologne to all the right places and then tidied up my room in case I brought home a visitor. I played mood music until all the girls were ready. Rosalie changed jeans and I laughed at how easy she was to control.

We headed out for a night of debauchery, well in my case at least. Alice would talk a guy's boner down, Bella would confuse the hell out of some guy, and Rose would intimidate any male that got within ten feet of her. I had to admit, I loved my bitches.

We went into a club that was packed with other students. A girl grabbed my arm and pulled me to the dance floor. I didn't mind, it got me seen and that was the only thing I cared about. Surely some closeted gay guy was dancing with some chick and looking at me.

I gave her my best pelvis gyrations and then excused myself to get a drink. I sat at the bar and checked out the scene before moving down the street to my kind of club. The music was loud and the dance floor was packed. I nodded to a few guys I had taken home before, but I wasn't interested in a repeat performance. Gay guys fell into two categories, those who knew what to do, and those who needed to be taught what to do. I didn't feel like instructing tonight.

2

I was making my way to someone who looked promising when a huge chest stepped into my way. I knew that chest; I had kissed that chest many times, as well as bitten it, too. I looked up to see my ex grinning at me with two deep dimples I used to find attractive. Now they remind me of assholes.

"Hello, Emmett."

"Do you really think you have a chance with Jasper Whitlock?" he asked and I could read envy all over his face.

"Do you really think I don't?" I asked him back, because if anyone knew what I was capable of, it was Emmett.

"He won't fall for your crap, Edward. The guy is brilliant."

I laughed hard, as I got hard and laughed. Bella would seem brilliant compared to Emmett. He struggled with simple addition and took basic math three times before passing the course. It was how we met actually, I tutored him in math. I taught him one plus a one was much better than one plus a zero, he just didn't want anyone to know.

"I think I'll let him show me his brilliance over and over again," I said and Emmett gave me a chest butt. That was a move made on football fields, not in gay clubs. It didn't mean you were challenging a guy in this environment, it meant you wanted sex fast and hard. "What did I tell you about acting hetro in clubs," I chastised him, knowing I was hitting a sore spot.

"Bite me," he said angrily and I chomped my teeth into the air before giving my all impressive smirk. He walked off in anger and I went back to looking for the doable guy I had seen earlier. I finally found him and made my way to his table.

"Hi, I'm Edward Masen," I said confidently and watched as the other guys almost bowed at my feet. The new guy smiled and I knew he was on the line; I only needed to reel him in.

We headed to the dance floor and I was impressed with his moves, he had rhythm for a white gay guy. After a drink and few dances I moved in for the kill. "I'm just down the street; do you want to head to my room?"

"Sure," he said and let me take his hand and lead him from the club. He didn't pull away when we got to the street, which was my test to see if a guy was out of the closet or not. I gave him the final assessment and pushed him against the building and kissed him.

He didn't tense or push me away, so I knew he was good with who he was. We walked quickly to my place and I locked my door behind us. I pulled off my shirt to let him see my perfectness and swoon a little. It was only polite.

"I don't do anal," he said and I chuckled.

"Good thing I do," I told him and watched his face turn pale. Oh God, I chose a tight ass, not that my kind didn't like that, it was just he was uptight about sex and it was the last thing I needed tonight.

"I'm not….I mean I have….oh hell," he stammered and I felt like I was about to do Bella.

"Look, I'm not rough and I'm not into kinky stuff, but if you're not going to have sex with me you can leave," I told him honestly, because I was a gift and if he didn't see it that way I wasn't wasting my gifts on him.

"I just want to blow you," the guy offered and I sighed loudly. Yeah, he would, because I was not just doable, but also blowable.

"Fine," I lamented and dropped my designer jeans in case the guy was a rookie.

He looked at my unit with anticipation and I felt my chest swell with pride. Yeah, my parents pretty much rocked me with the genes. I went over to the bed and fell onto it with my arms over my head and waited.

"You'll keep this quiet won't you, I'm kind of in a relationship," he admitted.

"Dude, there's nothing to keep quiet so far," I pointed out, because I was lying spread eagle and nothing was landing.

He finally removed his shirt and came over to lie over me, his face even with mine. "You're not going to dry hump me, are you?" I asked, because he wasn't doing what I thought he wanted to do.

His mouth moved onto mine and I let him get a little taste of what I could do and then pulled away. He moved down my chest with kisses and I closed my eyes and imagined Jasper. Not that this guy wasn't good looking, he just wasn't heavenly like Jasper was.

"Say my name," he whispered before making contact with me.

Crap, what was his name, did I even ask for a name? Hell, I have no name to say. I finally went with, "Sexy guy."

"Carlisle," he corrected.

"I know," I lied, "But to me you're sexy guy."

I was ready to jump in with instruction if I needed to, but damn if sexy guy didn't know his business. I had to admit I learned a couple of moves from him. He was first rate at what he did, although I wished he was willing to do a lot more. My jeans would have been fine around my hips, he wasn't a rookie, he was a pro.

I reciprocated with my own welcome to the majors and soon we were both lying sweaty in the sheets. He kept kissing me, either very grateful for my reciprocation or liking the way I kissed. He tensed when we heard the girls come home.

"They're my roommates," I told him so he could relax but he continued to look guilty.

"I'll leave when they're in their rooms," he said and began to dress.

"You're welcome to stay," I told him but he shook his head quickly.

"Okay, well bye," I said and rolled over to get some sleep. He walked over to my side of the bed and knelt down to look at me, most likely because I was fantastically easy on the eyes.

His hand reached out and moved my hair from my face. "You are so beautiful," he said, stating the obvious. I knew he would be back, regardless of his relationship, and the next time I would introduce him to real gay sex.

"I'll see ya, later," I said with confidence and gave him a quick kiss.

"You'll keep this quiet, right?" he pressed.

"Sure, my lips are sealed, well, sometimes," I said with a smirk to get him hard again.

He laughed and gave me another kiss before heading out the door. Bella opened my door and I groaned loudly. I wasn't in the mood for one of her stunted conversations. She came over and jumped onto my bed and lay where Carlisle had just been.

"Men are so…."

"Delicious," I offered as she struggled for a word.

"Help me…you know, find like, a guy," she said sadly.

I sat up, ready to be brutally honest with my home girl. "First of all you have to talk in complete sentences. You can't stumble over words and attract a man," I pointed out. "Then stop dressing like a dude. You have a great figure, show it off a little."

Bella got out of my bed and stomped to the door. She didn't like hearing the truth and was acting all hurt now. "You asked for my help," I yelled to her.

"You're mean," she yelled back to me.

"Well at least I had sex tonight," I yelled through the shut door.

I fell back onto my pillow and went to sleep. The next day I went to class and kept watching the clock for my appointment with Jasper. I was looking exceptionally stylish today and kept just enough scruff on my face to be pleasing.

I waited in the lab, surrounded by rats and thought about Emmett. He actually kept a girl on the side as a decoy. I had no idea how he could sleep with a woman, a shudder ran through my body at the thought.

Jasper finally walked through the door and glared at me as I gave him a drop dead smile. I liked the challenge and knew he would be worth it. He tossed a folder on the table and I picked it up and glanced through it.

"We have the rats divided into three groups. This is the control group," he said and pointed to a wall.

"Wait, I'll really be working with the rats?" I asked him.

"Did you think we kept humans in the cages?" he said with a smart-alecky retort.

"Now that, I would love," I said and he gave me the almost smile again.

"I need you to keep meticulous records because this data is for my grad work," he said and pulled his smile back under control.

"Yeah, yeah," I said to dismiss his concern. "Do you want to get a cup of coffee with me?"

"Damn it, Edward," he said harshly and I wondered if he wanted to spank me. "This is important."

"Look, I have good grades and I study the material. I'll do a great job for you, so stop worrying and lighten up. What do you do for fun?" I asked him and refrained from telling him doing me would be fun, but I wasn't that egotistical….to strangers.

"I'm working on my education, I don't have fun yet," he said and pulled the folder from my hands.

"You know what they say about all work and no play; it makes Jack… have to jack-off."

He finally smiled a genuine smile and my heart sped up in response. This guy owned me right now and I was going to do whatever it took to win him over.

"Come on, one cup of coffee, it isn't like we'd be going steady or anything," I added and his smile widened.

"Okay," he relented, "But we talk about the lab."

Oh hell no, we were going to talk about us, and the doability of us. I could care less about a bunch of rats and what data they produced. We headed to the campus eatery and I got us a cup of coffee while he found us a table.

We sat down, two hot guys in the middle of swooning coeds, but didn't give them a sideways look. "Where are you from Jasper?" I asked since I noticed an accent.

"Georgia," he said and drank his coffee black, God, that turned me on.

"What brought you to Seattle?" I asked, grateful for whatever it was.

"The Northwest is more liberal," he said openly.

"And you still believe that after knowing Emmett?" I teased and he rolled his eyes at me. Not as perfectly as I do, but he was a contender.

"I feel sorry for Emmett," he admitted and I shook my head in agreement. Being dumb was a liability, but being gay and dumb was actually dangerous.

"Is he still keeping a girl on the side?" I asked the guy I planned to make mine.

"I don't know, I'm not involved with him," he said to my relief.

It was sad enough I had been with Emmett, but Jasper didn't deserve that kind of drama. I finally shut my mouth so I wouldn't appear to be like Alice and let Jasper initiate some conversation. He was content to sit quietly for a bit and finally became uncomfortable.

"So, Edward, we need to keep this professional," he said and my heart sank.

"You want to pay me?" I teased but I couldn't force a smile.

He chuckled and it lightened my mood considerably. "You're a charming guy, I'm sure you already know that," he said. Yeah, I knew. "But I'm working on my doctorate and trying to keep a relationship at the same time, if you're not going to help me than tell me now."

I got jealous, extremely jealous, and had to keep myself from stomping the ground and screaming out loud. "Who's your significant other?" I asked and prayed he wasn't lying about Emmett.

"Carlisle Cullen," he said softly and glanced around the room.

I choked on my coffee and he had to hit me on the back so I could catch my breath. I just let the boyfriend of the guy I wanted as a boyfriend come into my bed. I felt sick but also excited at the same time. I knew exactly what Jasper had been missing from his much too uptight lover, and I was just the guy to make it all right.

3

I tried to act like I swallowed my coffee too quickly, but I didn't want him thinking I made a habit of choking easily, it wasn't a good feature in my community. I also wanted to plant a few seeds of doubt in his mind, along with the other seeds I wanted to plant in him.

"You seem to be wound way to tightly to be in a satisfying relationship. I'm guessing there is trouble in paradise," I said sounding all psychic and cryptic.

He looked at me, like right into my eyes, but he didn't respond, so I pushed him further. "I'm guessing your guy is having a hard time expressing himself, am I right?"

"I'm not talking to you about this," he said and looked away finally.

"Come on Jasper, you work hard all day and then get denied at night. That's not a relationship; it's a high school romance with a guy only willing to blow you."

"You don't know what you're talking about," Jasper said with a soft voice, still not looking at my eyes. I could play dirty and tell him I did know what I was talking about because I spent the evening with his guy, but that wouldn't move us into a relationship, so I held back.

"All I know is you wouldn't have that strained look on your face if you came home with me," I said honestly.

"I don't cheat," he said and went back to drinking his coffee.

"I don't see it as cheating; I see it as finding out what's really out there, God Emmett would be better than a sexually repressed homosexual."

I did it again, I got him to laugh. I did that, not Carlisle or dumb ass Emmett, me. I kicked him gently and tossed my head as if making him an offer.

"See, this is exactly why I didn't want you helping me," Jasper said and looked really pissed, so I knew I was getting to him.

The tension was building, and he wasn't coming right out with a no, but then something happened to ruin it. Alice came running up to our table.

"Oh my God, Edward, have you seen the loser Rose was with last night. He is like a Neanderthal, all muscle and no brains. They were going at it so loud last night that I walked in to yell at them and saw them doing it doggie style."

I knew at that moment she was with Emmett, he had been in my house with my roommate and didn't even know it, most likely picturing me in his mind the whole time. I wasn't being arrogant, just honest.

"Can you go away," I said to her since she was ruining my game.

She gave me an offended pout then looked at Jasper and smiled. "Hi," she said coyly.

"Hello sweetheart," he said and her eyes lit up.

"He's a southern gentleman," I explained before she went to work imagining him in her bed, "And only interested in gentlemen."

"Such a waste," she offered and finally walked away.

Jasper shook his head and went back to his coffee so he wouldn't have to speak. I laughed, causing him to finally look back into my eyes. "What's so funny?" he asked.

"I guess I'm wondering if you truly are gay, since you only like semi-sex."

"You're assuming too much," he said angrily.

"That you're gay or the sex?" I asked to clarify his position.

"I'm not talking to you about my sex life," he said and stood to leave.

I let him go, because I knew he would be thinking about me as his guy offered him another blow job tonight. I was confident he would be much more approachable tomorrow. I headed to the library to do some studying and saw Rosalie waiting outside of a classroom.

"Hey Rose, I heard you screw like a dude," I yelled over to her. Nothing gave me joy like messing with Rosalie. Her eyes flashed pure hatred and she grabbed her backpack and walked away. "I like the back view," I yelled to her retreating form and she flipped me off. Yeah, she was pissed, just like I wanted.

When the classroom emptied Emmett walked out of the door and I groaned at my bad timing. He glanced at me and then quickly looked away, as if people would know I screwed him just by the look on his face. "How was Rosalie?" I asked loudly, knowing it would make Emmett happy to have other's know he had been with a woman.

"She's hot," he said with his own loud voice.

"Yeah, a back like a weightlifter, I hear," I said to let him know I knew.

"Hey pussy is pussy," he said angrily and I laughed, because not really, especially not when you were imagining some guy just to get off.

"You should have gone further down the hallway for some real sex, Rose is my roommate," I said and watched the look of shock come across his face. Seattle was really getting way to small for the both of us. "How about it, for old time sake," I offered. Emmett was a horrible relationship but the sex was always good.

He glanced around cautiously and finally nodded. I took off in front of him and headed into an obscure restroom which had a lock. He followed me and locked the door after entering. "This doesn't mean we're back together," Emmett said, as if I would take his sorry ass back.

"You're safely in the closet with me," I told him, just as I did when we were dating.

I grabbed him by the jeans and quickly pulled them to his ankles. He pulled me into his arms and kissed me with a fierceness only Emmett possessed. He was rough but good at it. I melted against him and let my hand wrap around the part of him I knew best. "Can you last?" he asked me, telling me he wanted to go first. I knew he hadn't been with a man lately so I nodded. I walked over to the wall and removed my own pants before bending over and placing my hands against the wall. Emmett slipped on a condom and then covered himself with lube before coming over to hold me by the waist.

I closed my eyes and force myself to concentrate so I wouldn't lose my chance for a turn. Emmett was so predictable, moving and grunting the same way every time. He lost it quickly when he didn't have to pretend for some chick.

I quickly pushed him against the wall and spread his legs wide as I put on a condom. I didn't apply the gel to myself, but to Emmett. I sighed loudly when we connected, feeling familiar and so damn doable. I bent my knees and thrust upward over and over again as I cupped his spent organ in my hands. Soon he began bending his knees to meet me, sending me deeper and deeper until everything exploded out of me.

I had to admit I missed doing Emmett. He was great at only one thing. My head fell against his back as I gasped for breath. He turned around and pulled me into his arms as he held me tightly. "God, Edward, you're always the best."

"Yeah, too bad you don't come out of the closet," I said and moved to put on my pants. He did the same and walked out of the room with his head hanging low. I felt a bit sorry for Emmett and grabbed my backpack from the ground and walked out of the restroom and into the presence of the one person I didn't want to see, Jasper.

He looked at me and then back at Emmett and then smiled. "Congratulations," he offered.

"For what?"

"Aren't you two back together?" he asked with raised eyebrows.

I looked at Emmett's retreating body and laughed loudly. "Hell no, I'm not going back there," I said adamantly.

"Oh, I see," he said and turned to walk away.

"Wait, you see what?" I asked, because if he saw Emmett needed to get laid properly than yeah, he saw.

"You talk to me and get all hot so you needed your old relationship to get you off," Jasper said and folded his arms to challenge me.

"You…what, no I….he….it was for…." Oh God, I turned into Bella. I was standing in front of the guy I saw as the earthly equivalent to Zeus and I couldn't speak.

"Save it, you're a piece of work aren't you?" he said and walked away. Yeah, I was, sculpted as if I was a famous statue and I wanted Jasper to see my piece of work. Instead he was walking away from me in anger.

I let him go, Edward Masen didn't chase down any man, but if there was a man worth chasing it would be Jasper Whitlock. I headed back to the library with my face all sullen and ran into Bella. She could tell something was wrong and put her arm around my shoulder when she sat.

"I'm sorry… whatever it is," she offered, because Bella was a people pleaser.

"I made a huge mistake," I admitted. "I was with Emmett." She gasped and covered her mouth, hopefully not to keep from vomiting on me. "That's not the mistake part, I ran into Jasper after doing Emmett."

"And he wanted you….like, to perform, or you know….."

"No, he just knew what I had done with Emmett," I explained.

"So what, you're a…you know….um, single….not attached, you're not….seeing anyone."

I thought for a moment and realize Jasper showing jealousy was a good sign. He wouldn't give a shit if he wasn't into me. I smiled at Bella and gave her a kiss on the cheek. "You're such a great friend, just not a great speaker," I told her honestly.

We studied until the library closed and then headed home. We walked arm in arm and I was listing everything I found sexy about Jasper when we arrived at our driveway. I looked up to see Carlisle sitting by the front door.

I thought he was there to demand I leave Jasper alone, but he seemed too distraught to demand anything. Bella went inside so we could have some privacy and Carlisle got to the reason for his visit.

"I need you to teach me how to have anal sex," he begged. He actually wanted me to teach him how to please the guy I wanted the pleasure of pleasing, like I would truly share my secrets with his uptight ass.

"Go home," I said and turned to open my door.

"Edward, please, I'm going to lose my guy if I don't learn this," he said with a desperate voice.

"Why not have him teach you?" I asked, since it was how most guys learned.

He stared at me for a minute and finally said, "Because I don't know if I can go through with it, and he'll listen if I tell him to stop."

"You want me to rape you?" I asked in shock, because that was a huge waste of my talents.

"Look, I used to be married; I'm in love with Jasper, not men in general. I don't want to lose him," he explained.

"So you're not totally gay, I mean you get hard for women?"

He nodded as if totally ashamed of himself. I laughed loudly and pointed at him, "You are dating the wrong man, you should date Emmett McCarty."

"Are you going to help me?" he asked.

"Yes, but not by teaching you anything," I said because my help would consist of stealing his boyfriend.

I went into the house and showered before heading out to find Jasper in the one place I knew he would be; the lab. If he wanted to run experiments, I would be his lab rat.

I walked into the dark classroom and headed down the hallway to the lab. A desk light was the only thing giving any illumination and when I opened the door Jasper was bathed in a soft glow. He was stunning, and when his features didn't harden at the sight of me, I knew something else did.

I walked around to the back of his chair and leaned over to look at what he was reading. I turned my head slightly and put my lips against his ear. "That doesn't look interesting at all," I said and then let my tongue trail along his outer ear.

He inhaled sharply and said with a feeble voice, "Don't do that."

I noticed how his head tilted to the side instead of out of the way, so I sucked his earlobe into my mouth as his fingers dropped the pen in his hand.


	2. Chapter 4 thru 6

I felt Jasper's hands move up to mine and he took hold of my wrists as I kissed my way around his neck. He finally pulled my arms to the side and ducked his head to stop me from kissing him. His breathing was shallow and he said with only a whisper, "I said stop."

I pulled away from him with a bruised ego until I saw his fingers go to his eyes and he rubbed them frantically. I leaned against the desk so I was right next to him and waited for him to look at me. His eyes were bright and his lips were red as he licked them several times. "Don't do this to me," he said and shook his head.

"Why?" I asked with a strong voice.

"I told you, I'm in a relationship," he repeated.

I laughed and shook my own head. "That isn't a relationship and you know it. Look what I do to you," I said.

"I'm sure you do this to a lot of men," he admitted and he was right, I did, but that wasn't the point I was trying to make.

"Jasper, look at you, God, you're the type of guy I want, not for a hookup but for a relationship. I can give you what you want, not him." I was taking a chance by putting it all out there, but now he knew where I was coming from.

"That's all the more reason not to do it this way," he said and stood to get further from me.

"What do you mean?" I asked and hoped he meant what I thought he meant.

"I need to end things before starting something new," he explained and it was the explanation I was hoping for.

I walked over to him and he remained where he was, because backing up would have put him against the rat cages. I stood close to him, uncomfortably close, so he could get a real good look at the pretty I was offering him. "Call me when you're free," I said and headed out the door.

I expected him to run after me, most guys did, but he remained in the lab and I walked home alone. I found Bella and Alice watching a movie so I joined them on the couch. Bella laid her head across my lap and I played with her hair while she watched the movie. Bella had great hair, long, dark, and silky.

When the movie ended she sat up and said, "Why are you being….all, you know, like, nice?"

"I'm always nice" I said with a hint of anger.

She shook her head and walked off without saying anything else, or at least trying to say something else. I went to my room and got into bed. Tomorrow was Friday and I wouldn't be spending the night alone, I was hoping it would be with Jasper, but I would use a filler if he wasn't free so soon.

I had a rough night's sleep, I dreamed of a faceless woman in my bed and it freaked me out. I ended up the next day in the lab. I stared at the rats as they were given a pill. I didn't notice anything different between the three groups and wrote that in the booklet before making sure they all had water and locking up the lab.

I had nothing specific planned for the night and decided to see what Bella had planned. I knocked on her bedroom door and she answered in her bra and panties. I looked her up and down and realized she should wear nothing; it was so much better than the hideous outfits she usually wore.

"What are you doing tonight?" I asked.

"I have a date," she said to shock the hell out of me. Someone actually talked to her long enough to ask for a date.

"With who?" I pushed, hoping she wasn't making up some imaginary dude, because that would be beyond sad.

"His name is Jake, he's from….like by Forks….you know, um, the….um…the reservation."

"Can I get you ready?" I asked and was ready to beg if she balked. She nodded and stepped back to let me into her room. I went right to her closet and began moving the hangers to the side in disgust. I finally went to my own room and got her one of my t-shirts. I tied it to the side and picked a decent pair of jeans.

She sat in a chair while I applied her makeup flawlessly and then curled her hair into large sexy curls. I stepped back and she looked at herself as if she didn't know who she was.

I had to admit she looked hot, and there was a real possibility the guy would be coming home with her. I felt a bit of jealousy, like he was taking something that belonged to me, but it was something I didn't even want.

"You look great," I told her and she hugged me tightly.

"You're a genius," she said and turned to look at herself again.

The doorbell rang and I ran to answer the door. The guy was big like Emmett, and I checked out his ass as he came into the room. Bella came out and smiled at him. "Hi Jake, this is Edward, he's my roommate and best friend."

I looked at Bella as if I had never seen her before. She used an entire sentence without stammering or switching gears. Jake extended his hand and I shook it firmly. "See ya," Bella said with a grin and I swatted her ample ass as she walked past me.

I wasn't about to do anything with Rosalie so I asked Alice to come with me to a club. She quickly agreed and we headed down the street. She was talking the entire time, but I ignored most of what she said. We danced and had a few drinks before heading onto the back patio for some fresh air. It was there I saw Jasper and Carlisle sitting with a pretty woman.

I pulled Alice with me and joined their group, hoping to get some sort of vibe that told me they had broken up. I introduced Jasper to Alice and then let him introduce his party.

"This is Carlisle and his friend Esme," Jasper explained. I nodded as if I never saw the guy before and Alice began talking to the woman about her earrings. I sat next to Jasper and let my leg rub up against his under the table. He didn't pull away but he did give me a warning look.

"I love this song," Alice squealed and Jasper turned his attention to her.

"Really, so do I, most people don't even know this band," he said enthusiastically.

"I love them; I saw them during the music festival. The lead singer is so talented and writes all the songs. He said he uses real life events and it makes it so much more personal, I think it shows, don't you?" She said in one of her extremely fast sentences.

Jasper's eyes widened and then he laughed loudly. "Let's dance," Jasper said to her and she jumped up and pulled him back into the club.

What the hell just happened? I introduced my crush, who is gay, to my roommate, who is a woman, and they just left together. I looked over at Carlisle who was talking softly with Esme and felt like I had eaten tainted brownies or something. I was getting ignored for women, something I thought was physically impossible.

When the music changed to a slow song Esme and Carlisle left the table to dance and Jasper returned with Alice. I was beyond pissed and sat with my elbows on the table with my face in my hands as Alice talked, and talked, and talked.

Suddenly, I felt a hand move to my knee and begin to make small circles lightly on my inner thigh. I leaned my head on one palm and turned to look at Jasper. He stared at Alice as he continued making his way up my leg. Okay, this was more like it.

I wanted Alice to go away and I wished we were at the other club so I could try to kiss him, but he continued his conversation with her, as if he was actually interested. It was driving me crazy. Carlisle returned with Esme and I was in full blown pout mode.

To make the night even worse Bella and Jake walked in. I sat back in my chair to hang my head as everyone talked and got to know each other. Jake looked at me and finally asked, "What's got your panties in a knot?"

I looked at Bella and said, "Will you please stutter something to your Rambo and tell him to shove it."

The entire table looked at me with shock and Bella's eyes grew wet. I didn't mean to make her cry, but I was beyond frustrated. I stormed from the table and when I got to the sidewalk outside of the club Bella caught up with me.

"Why were you all, like….well, doing….mean to me?"

"Why can you seem to talk to everyone but me?" I screamed at her.

She backed away from me and said in a clear concise sentence, "Are you really such a stupid man, Edward? I thought better of you."

Well hallelujah, she got one out. I headed down the street and heard footsteps behind me. I looked over my shoulder to see Jasper following behind. I stopped and waited for him to catch up, giving my best welcome to my world smile.

"Stop it," he said with a serious face.

"Stop what?" I asked.

"Stop acting like you got your way," he said and continued walking right past me.

I jogged up to him and asked, "So did you end it with the reluctant gay guy?"

"Yeah, I did, but I'm not coming to your bed, I'm coming to Alice's," he said to stun the gay almost out of me.

I finally recovered and then laughed loudly, making him stop his forward marching. It was Alice we were talking about, they would spend the entire night talking. "You almost had me there," I admitted and pointed to the house we all shared. We walked in together and I showed him where Alice slept, but then pointed to my room. "If you get tired of listening you're welcome to visit me."

I pulled off my shirt as I headed into my room. When I turned to shut the door I caught Jasper staring at me. I stripped down and got into bed, listening to the girls come home. My door opened and Bella came into my room. "Can I sleep with you?" she asked since Alice needed their room.

"No, I'm expecting someone," I told her.

"I'll just stay, like, until he gets….you know, here."

She pulled down the covers to see I was nude and then climbed in without saying a word. I sighed with anger and then asked, "Why isn't Jake spending the night?"

"I just met him," she explained and I didn't understand her meaning. I slept with a lot of guys I just met; it is how you become acquainted. Once a guy appreciates your star quality you become fast friends.

"Why is Alice wasting her time on Jasper, he's gay?"I said and hoped she didn't hear the bitchy tone I was using.

"They are talking about a partnership of some kind. I think they want to have a baby together or something," Bella said clearly and it was my mind that stuttered over her words.

My mind was screaming for him to stop and think about what he was doing. How could he date me if he was playing daddy to Alice's bastard? I didn't want to date a dad, dads weren't doable. Dads were responsible and took out life insurance, they made sure the lights were off and the trash was emptied. There was nothing sexy about a dad.

Bella looked at my face and said, "You know, we could….like, you and me,…or maybe….like a baby….between us?"

It finally happened; Bella had totally lost her mind.

5

I was lying in my bed naked, waiting for the guy I found as the most doable in all of Washington to sneak into my room, when suddenly I'm a father. I wasn't the type of guy that dreamed of a family to hide my lifestyle, I was happy being gay.

Bella was a great girl, pretty even, if she had some style, but she just didn't excite me the way Jasper did. I looked at her terrified face and realized it was something she had actually considered. Oh my God, my best friend had hopes of converting me.

"Bella, are you into me?" I asked her.

Her eyes darted around as if she was ticked she came into the room to begin with. She scooted to the edge of the bed and shook her head without speaking. I laughed and scooted closer to her, "You are, you want to do me," I said to tease her.

"You are so….like, totally, I mean…conceited."

I grabbed her hand and brought it between my legs, holding it there tightly. "You want this, don't you?" I said as she tried to pull away. She finally rolled onto her stomach and I scooted up closely behind her. "Don't turn your back on me, it's dangerous," I said into her ear.

"I'm not worried," she said and closed her eyes.

Hum, that sounded pretty much like a challenge to me. I reached over her and pulled open my drawer to grab a condom and lube. She kept her eyes closed and ignored me, so I planned to wake her up real good. I spread the lube on my fingers and moved them to her anus; sure she would bolt upright and run. She remained calm and refused to move.

It really pissed me off that she doubted me, so I was going to have to do a woman to prove a point. I rolled onto her, pinning her to the bed and spread her legs with mine, she still refused to give in. "I'm not kidding, Bella," I told her with a deep, strong voice.

"Yeah, whatever," she mumbled and pretended to yawn. I was actually getting pretty hard, over a girl, yuk.

I positioned myself right outside of her and gave her one last warning, "I'm not going to be gentle."

"Screw you," she said and I moved into the tight space. She tensed finally, but remained quiet. I was ready to pass out with how tight she was. I hadn't been with a guy that wasn't stretched in a long time, so her ass muscles were pure heaven.

"Oh my God," I said and got rock hard.

She arched her back to try and accommodate me and the sensation made me hiss loudly. She began to relax and I slid further inside of her until she broke into a sweat and was panting loudly. "Do you want me to stop?" I asked her, wondering if I really could.

"No," she said loudly. This was going way over the line of friendship and I knew it would most likely ruin us forever, but in the moment I didn't really care. I began to make small movements, back and forth and my brain became incapable of reasonable thought.

She finally pushed up onto her hands and knees and I held her hips as I pumped in and out. I had turned into Emmett, with Jasper just down the hallway. The thought of Jasper sent me over the edge and I exploded into her. This was where I usually ended, having no idea how to please a woman, but she turned over and grabbed my hand, bringing it to where she needed me, that dark, wet foreign place where the mystery of women resided.

I watched where she placed my fingers and then held my arm tightly, riding up and down with quick thrusts. It was fascinating, and when her body went rigid and then began convulsing with her own release I was mesmerized. Women could be quite beautiful during sex.

When she came back to her senses she pushed my hand away harshly and pulled her nightgown down with embarrassment. "Don't be embarrassed, Bella," I said softly and pulled her into my arms. "Thank you," I added.

She held onto me tightly and didn't respond, soon we were both asleep. I felt someone tap me on the shoulder and looked up to see Jasper looking down at me. I opened the covers to let him in, but only uncovered Bella.

"Ah shit," I said and looked back at Jasper.

He nodded toward the door so I climbed out of bed and followed him into the hallway. He looked my body up and down and said, "Did you have sex with Bella?"

It was a hard thing to admit and something I would have punched him for asking a day earlier. I was trying to decide how to answer when he said, "I need you to tell me how you did it, I can't….you know."

I laughed; grateful the guy I wanted couldn't get it up for Alice. I stepped closer to him, posting him against the wall and let my hand wander to his erection. He was in perfect working order, and luckily still gay. His frustration was tangible and his hands moved into my hair. He kissed me hard as I massaged him.

I knew how much passion he had pent up inside after dealing with Carlisle. I pulled him to the couch and wrapped my legs around him. "I don't have any lube," he said with a panic and I laughed, running my fingers over his wet tip.

"Sure you do," I pointed out and he smiled as he kissed me again.

He was over the moon with delight as he gave it to me fast and hard. His loud grunting drowned out the noise of the bedroom doors opening. We were working each other, and kissing frantically, all under the resentful stares of Bella and Alice.

I shot all over his chest causing him to lose it with a roar of pleasure and then collapsing onto me as he gasped for air. I let my legs fall and I held his head to my chest as I kissed his head over and over again. It was then I heard a noise and looked over to see Bella and Alice.

"Did you enjoy the show?" I asked them, knowing I was poetry in motion when I screwed. If they were hoping to embarrass me they picked the wrong guy. I would do Jasper on stage as the entire university watched, he was just that doable.

Jasper gasped and looked over in surprise. He tried to pull away but I held him tightly. Another door opened and Rosalie and Emmett walked into the room. "Oh gross," Rose said with disgust, but Emmett's eyes brightened noticeably.

"I thought you just needed to talk to Edward," Alice said angrily.

Jasper let his head fall with remorse so I spoke up. "This is how I talk," I laughed and kissed Jasper right in front of her.

"Alice," Jasper said sadly. "I told you I wasn't sure I could do it, I'm gay."

"Well, it costs too much for invetro, so you better find a way to do it," she said and marched off. They were really talking about having a baby and it made me a bit sick to my stomach. I pushed him away and he sat up. Bella and Rose followed Alice and Emmett came over to sit in a chair.

"It helps if you turn her over," Emmett said with a totally serious expression and I laughed.

"It will also help if you pretend it is me," I said in all sincerity, because well, yeah, who wouldn't want to do me. I was Mr. Doable.

"Why are you getting mixed up with Alice?" I asked.

"I like her," Jasper said, "And I want to be a father."

"Can't you get a puppy?" I asked him. Because those things could be sold or put down if you changed your mind. I was still adamant about a father being non-doable.

"It is something I have thought about for a long time, when Alice brought it up, it felt right," he explained and Emmett nodded as if he understood which I'm sure he didn't, because damn, I couldn't understand at all.

"So you have a kid with Alice and keep seeing men?" I asked so I could see where he was headed.

"I told Alice I would commit to her but we would have an open relationship, but now I'm not sure it would work," he said sadly. Well duh, of course it wouldn't work if he couldn't even do it once. Emmett and I managed to do a woman, but Jasper wasn't up for the challenge.

"There is a way it would work, but it would take all three of us," I said with a laugh, but nobody laughed with me. I added more so they could see the humor I was inundating them with. "I would have to do you as you did Alice."

Come on, it was funny, but nobody laughed. Did he really think I would keep him hard so tiny Alice could bounce all up on it? If anyone was going to be bouncing it would be me. I was a beautiful bouncing bastard.

"You're insane," I pointed out, still doable, but totally crazy.

"It wouldn't have to be you," he said to knock me down a peg or two, but a couple of pegs did nothing to my massive ego.

I laughed and shook my head, "You can't do Alice if Carlisle's blowing you."

"There's me," Emmett offered and I wanted to punch his lights out. He was horning in on my territory, terrain I wanted as all mine.

"Don't you need to go do Rose from behind," I yelled to him to keep him out of the conversation.

He got up to leave and gave me a dirty glare. "Call if you need some help," he said to Jasper and I threw a couch pillow at him.

I moved closer to my gorgeous angel and whispered in his ear, "Come on Jas, let me make you forget all about this nonsense."

I kissed him and then sucked gently on his neck causing him to moan. I was exhausted sexually, after the stress of doing Bella and then having him do me. He fell back onto the couch and pulled me onto him as he continued to let me work on his neck. I left two very impressive hickeys before kissing my way down his chest.

I didn't want him to confuse me with Carlisle, so I refrained from putting my mouth on him. Instead I held it in my hand. "Yeah," he whispered. "Like that and I can do Alice."

Not tonight he wasn't, because if I had to be involved it wasn't only going to be my hand. I kissed him to keep his mouth from speaking as I gave him the hand job of his life. It was a specialty of mine, perfected in high school when most gay guys are still firmly stuck in the closet.

We fell asleep on the couch, with our legs intertwined and holding each other tightly. I had my greatest wish; Jasper Whitlock was in my arms. I would work on changing his mind about fatherhood tomorrow, and deal with the fallout from Bella at the same time.

Life just got so much more difficult.

6

Sunday was supposed to be a day of rest, but not for the wicked. I woke up with tired legs, from my busy night and an aching back from sleeping on the couch. Jasper stretched and I watched his body lengthen and then return to its perfection.

He looked at me with only one eye open and then smiled. Man, he was hot! I put my lips on his and kissed him until all parts of him were awake. He finally pulled back enough to talk. "Edward, will you help me with Alice, she's ovulating now so I have to be able to do it."

But if she was ovulating she could actually become pregnant, something gay men should never have to worry about. Life was so much easier when we only worried about AIDS.

I didn't respond and got up to take a piss. I saw my bed, filled with Bella and smiled. I walked over and moved her head of massive hair from her face and saw her sleeping peacefully. I was happy I helped her sleep; she deserved it after being such a great friend. I headed into my bathroom and turned on the shower before taking a piss.

I was lathering my hair when the shower door opened and Alice stood looking at me. "Jasper wants to know if you going to help?"

"You really want me in there, knowing it is me keeping him up?" I asked her outright because it would humiliate me if it was the other way around.

"I want a baby, and you're just the whore to do it," she pointed out. I wasn't offended because she was right, but I wanted to talk to Jasper about a few things first.

"Send Jasper in here," I said and she crossed her arms in anger. "I'm not going to get him off; I just want to talk to him."

She left and I got out of the shower and wrapped a towel around my waist. Jasper walked in looking so serious and I smiled to help him relax. "If you really want my help I'll do it, but I want you to know I'm not interested in being in a relationship with a father. So you need to chose between me and Alice," I said to lay it all on the line. I hoped he had experienced enough of my talent to choose wisely.

He didn't answer and continued to stare at me, until Bella walked into the room. I saw the small dots of blood on her nightgown and felt awful for spending the night in Jasper's arms and not hers. It was exactly why this whole mess needed to be straightened out.

"God Bella, I'm sorry," I said and walked over to kiss her forehead.

"I heard, you know….I think, um, maybe, I mean I would….do it, maybe with um you."

"Spit it out dear," I said, since I had no idea what she was babbling about.

She took a deep breath and set her shoulders before saying, "I would have your baby."

I laughed, and then laughed harder. Two things were never going to happen to me. One, get fat and bald. Two, become a father. "This is crazy and it needs to stop," I said loudly. Stress like this shit ages a person, and I wanted to keep my gorgeous face for as long as possible.

Jasper got a determined look of his own and said, "I pick Alice."

"You're kidding, right?" I laughed, because no gay guy in his right mind would pick some chick over me. "Did you forget about what we did last night or would you like me to remind you?" I yelled at him.

"I didn't forget, and I think we could work, but you have to grow up Edward. If you don't want to be a step dad, I don't want you."

Step dad, what the hell. He wanted some spawn of Alice and then expected me to want it too. I would do Bella again before I would let that happen. I shook my head and said in anger, "Good luck getting that kid without me."

"I'll find a way," he said and stomped out of the room, leaving only bumbling Bella behind.

"I think you just gave him the motivation to do it," Bella observed in one full sentence.

"Great, now you can speak," I yelled and she turned and ran from the room.

I looked into the mirror at my own stunned face and wondered if I was perhaps dreaming. There were three gay guys under this roof sleeping with three straight women. This would not even make a decent Saturday Night Live sketch. I got dressed and left my room just as Bella left hers, dressed in something halfway acceptable. I could tell by the way she was walking she was sore so I did the only think I could do. "Come get breakfast with me," I said to her and motioned to my rarely used car.

She followed me and got in without speaking. We drove in silence and sat across from each other at a Denny's restaurant.

"I'm sorry I hurt you," I told her honestly.

"Edward, what would you do if we weren't friends anymore?" she asked coherently.

"What do you mean, you're my best friend and have been for years," I said to stop her train of thought.

"What if I got tired of being your friend, what would you do?"

My mouth became very dry and I couldn't believe she was considering dumping me, as a friend that is. I just got my heart ripped by my crush and she was piling on. "God Bella, don't threaten me," I said with a scared voice.

"I'm not sure I can be your friend anymore," she said with her own sadness. "I've spent so many years hoping for what happened last night to happen, but you keep apologizing, like you regret it."

I glanced around the room in search of a hidden camera or someone to jump out and tell me it was a horrible practical joke. I finally looked back at my best friend and said, "Bella, honey, you know I'm gay."

"I know, and I'm not asking you to be exclusive. I'm only wondering if there is a place for me somewhere in your life," she said and I realized how well she was speaking.

"There is, as my best friend," I told her and watched the tears fall from her eyes. "Honey, I want Jasper, you know that."

She nodded and took a deep breath, "But he wants Alice."

"No he doesn't, he wants a baby from Alice. It is a very different thing. He can't even have that unless I crawl into bed with them. Is that what you want, me to bring some guy into our bed so I can service you?"

"There was nobody else there last night," she said.

"Yes there was, he was there mentally, not physically."

"I don't mind," she said and kept her eyes down so she wouldn't have to look at me.

I felt like such a heel. I gave her hope because I was too stupid to turn down her challenge last night and if was ruining our friendship. It was Jasper's fault, he got her worked up with the baby talk, and then Emmett doing Rose man style made Bella think it would work for us.

"Invite Jake to your bed, you'll see a huge difference from last night, I promise," I said to steer her in another direction. She nodded and then ate her food without speaking to me again. We headed home and I came into the house to find Rose and Emmett eating in the kitchen. I didn't know how he worked it but knew Jasper wouldn't be able to.

I headed to my room and found Jasper waiting. He walked up and wrapped his arms around my waist. I didn't respond, wanting him to put forth a little effort. He finally grabbed my ass and squeezed it tightly as he kissed me senseless. I responded.

My hands began to move all over him and he suddenly pulled away. "Come help me," he begged and then kissed me again. I didn't refuse when he pushed me backward toward the door. I stopped at the doorframe and called out to Alice. If this was going to happen it wasn't going to be in Bella's room. She came into my room and I locked the door.

Alice giggled and jumped into my bed after only removing her pants. I took my time undressing Jasper, appreciating every little nuance as I kissed my way around his body. He was ready, more than ready, so I walked him over to the bed.

I cannot believe I am in this situation. I have my roommate primed and ready for my crush, as he's primed and ready for me, as I'm primed and ready for him. I wasn't sure there was a name for what we were about to do, unless it was called, Hide the Hoochie.

I told Jasper to look at only me as I placed him between Alice's legs. I straddled her tiny body and didn't care that my ass was in her face, she asked for this. I kissed him passionately and felt him harden when I put my hand around his dick. "Close your eyes," I whispered and he quickly obeyed as I kissed my way around behind him. I kept my hand on him to keep him hard and then motioned for Alice to come and get it.

She raised her legs and I pushed him forward until he was lying on her. I began to whisper in his ear. "Do you feel me behind you?"

He moaned and nodded as Alice tried to wrap her legs around him. I smacked them out of my way and she let them drop back to Jasper's side. I pushed up off of his back to look around and see how I wanted to work this. I needed him up higher in the air and she needed him lower to the bed. I finally grabbed her legs in my arms and pulled them both up.

Jasper yelled out my name when I entered him, yeah, that's right bitch, my name, although he was doing a pretty good job on her, too. He had his eyes closed and it left me and Alice staring at each other. She laughed at my face since he was doing her, but I just laughed back, since I was doing him.

"Give it to her hard, Jas," I said with a smirk.

"This is nothing," Alice said back, so I gave it to Jas hard so he in turn gave it to her hard.

This was working, and it was turning out to be pretty damn hot. Jasper kept quiet as Alice and I got very vocal, trying to out moan each other. She began playing with her own nipples and it made me want to play, too. I was actually attracted to a woman's chest.

"Suck her tits," I said to Jasper since I couldn't reach. He moved to her chest and she let her head fall back in ecstasy. Alice was getting me harder and I began pumping faster causing Jasper to forget what he was doing and begin pumping faster, too.

"I'm gonna cum," Jasper yelled and Alice screamed for him to do it, causing me to lose it as if shooting off a cannon. We all got there at the same time and the massive orgasm was painfully erotic. Jasper moved to the side of Alice and I leaned over to kiss her sweaty face and lips. She bit me and I liked it.

"Hey," Jasper said with jealousy. "Get over here." I moved to his lips and he kissed me passionately. We were getting all worked up with our lips and tongues until Alice smacked my ass hard. I jumped and looked at her as she climbed out of bed.

"Nice doing business with you both," she laughed and skipped from the room. I really hoped she wasn't pregnant, because that would be worth doing again. I would even be willing to add Bella into the mix somehow, possibly Emmett and Rose too….well, not Rose.

"Thank you," Jasper said before I returned to worshiping him with my lips.

"Anytime," I smiled with my killer smile and then rolled him onto me as we had a first rate make-out session.


	3. Chapter 7 thru 9

My life became a blur. I had very defined lines before; dicks were good, pussy bad. I didn't know what to think now. And then there was Bella, my buddy, my confidant, my fag hag. I didn't know what she was now. She went out with Jake, came to my bed and I got to play around with her, then she would leave when Jasper showed up and I really got busy. I wasn't bisexual, because I didn't find myself fantasizing about women, it was just Bella, and only Alice when Jasper was with her. What in the hell did that make me?

I looked up things on the internet, how being gay was a choice….okay, I choose gay. Then I would read about it being something you're born with….okay, I was born gay. So why was I messing around with Bella and enjoying my time with Jasper and Alice?

I was confused about my sexuality for the first time in my life. I was lying in my bed when Emmett walked into my room. He shook his head and asked, "Do you know where Rose is?"

"No," I said without further explanation. He walked over and sat next to me.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"Do you consider yourself gay?" I asked him. I realized it was a moot point since I had done him several times, but I wanted to hear his opinion.

"No, I used to think of myself as gay, but now I think I just like sex with anyone."

"Really, so you could do other women?" I asked him.

"I have before, but I like it with Rose because she takes charge and she's rough," he chuckled.

"So, she screws like a man?" I clarified.

"You were never rough with me," he said softly and I smiled at him.

I stared at him and wondered if we would have worked out if he wasn't so afraid of people finding out he screwed another man. I ran my hand up his arm and he pulled away. "No sir, Jasper would cut my nuts off," he said and stood to leave.

I knew I spent plenty of nights with Jasper, but I didn't think we were considered a couple, especially since he usually came from Alice's bed and had to kick Bella out of mine. "Really, you think Jasper would be angry?" I asked as I vacillated between wanting Jasper to be jealous and wanting to tell him he didn't own me.

"Would you be angry if I brought Jasper to my bed?" he asked and I saw his point. It was confusing enough with Alice and Bella, Emmett was just too much weird.

I finally got out of bed and headed to school. I went to my classes and instead of heading to the library I went to the lab to see my angel. He was working on something and didn't even look up when I walk in. I walked behind him and leaned over to kiss his neck when he jumped and spun around to see who it was.

"I didn't mean to scare you," I said with a grin.

"No, its okay," he said and gave me a proper kiss.

"So," I began, "How would you define what is going on between us?" God, it sounded so juvenile and needy.

"Alice and I had this conversation last night," he chuckled and I pretended to gag. I didn't care what he thought their relationship was about, it was me and him I was confused over. "I told her I love her," he said and I wanted to rip her hair out of her head. "I also told her I'm in love with you, too."

Whoa buddy, love, that was a pretty big word. I thought we were two guys with strong feelings and liked doing each other, but I wasn't sure that was love.

Jasper laughed and sat back down at his desk. "Don't trip over your own feet while you try to run away," he said and went back to his papers.

"I did Emmett this morning," I lied, just to see his reaction. Maybe it was his use of the L word that made me want to mess it all up, but something sent me on this downward spiral.

He raised his head to look at me with pain filled eyes. "So the shit about Carlisle and you is probably true, too," he said and I felt like he punched me in the gut. He knew, and he didn't believe it until this very moment.

"I didn't know who he was," I told him honestly, trying to save what I had just been determined to mess up.

"But you did everything you could to break us up, didn't you?" he asked and I nodded without shame.

"He wasn't even gay," I pointed out.

"Oh and you are?" he asked. "I'm trying to get Alice pregnant, what is it you are trying to do with Bella?"

"I'm…." Huh, what am I trying to do with Bella? I had learned a lot about her. The places to touch to make her moan and where to touch to make her sigh, I loved watching her have an orgasm and even learned to tell what it felt like on the inside.

"I think we're done," Jasper said and stormed out of the room. Wait, he just said he loved me and now we're done. God, he was worse than Rose on her period. I stormed after him and caught him before he made it out of the room.

"Don't you walk away from me," I said and grabbed his arm. "Are you ending it because I sleep with Bella or because I didn't tell you I love you?"

"You pick, both are reason enough for me," he said in anger.

"What if I say I love Bella, will you reconsider?" I asked with a smirk and he finally relaxed and laughed with me. We were two gay men in relationships with women and fighting over it. I wasn't sure I was even doable anymore, let alone Jasper.

"We need to get some perspective," Jasper said and ran his fingers through my hair.

"No, we need to get the hell away from Bella and Alice," I said forcefully. I wanted to add the fact she hadn't gotten pregnant, so maybe it wasn't mean to be. He needed to give up his whole daddy quest and get real with me. "Let's go away this weekend, just you and me," I suggested.

He smiled and finally gave me a nod. I would have him all to myself for the entire weekend so I turned to leave with a smile on my face. "Hey," he called out to me. "So the Emmett and Carlisle stuff was crap?"

Damn, "Yeah," I lied and quickly left the room. I was headed to the library and found Bella waiting for me. Her eyes were red and swollen and I reached out and messed up her hair. "Did you fall again?" I asked.

"No," she said and then wiped her nose on her plaid flannel which was totally disgusting. "I'm…oh God, like…um…pregnant."

"No, no, no, no, no," I yelled as I pointed at her accusingly. I had a great weekend planned with my guy, so she was going to have to admit she was only kidding.

She reached out and slapped my finger out of her face and glared at me. "I thought you used condoms," she said angrily.

"I did," I yelled. "Could it be Jake's?"

She reached down and removed her shoe before hitting me with it several times. I finally got it away from her and threw it across the quad. "I don't have sex with Jake," she screamed at me.

"Really?" I asked, because it seemed odd she was only sleeping with a gay guy. "Well, can you give it to Alice?" She reached for her other shoe and I grabbed it out of her hand before she could land a blow and tossed it, too. "Stop hitting me," I yelled at her.

"Stop saying stupid stuff," she demanded and then began to cry.

I pulled her into my arms and tried to calm her as I wanted to scream into the air in frustration. I was losing my doability and becoming a dad, the thought sickened me and I would have run if it was someone other than Bella carrying my child.

"Edward, my father is going to freak out," she said and I began to worry about Chief Swan coming after me with a gun.

"Do you want the baby?" I asked her.

"Yes, but I want you to help me, if you aren't going to help me, than I don't want it."

"Help you do what?" I asked, because I thought I pretty much did my part.

"You have to be a present father," she clarified. I wanted to be a present…for Jasper, not for a baby.

"Bella, come on, you know what kind of father I would make. It isn't fair to do that to a child. I mean, the kid would be gorgeous, and I would dress it properly, but I can't be a dad."

She pulled out of my arms and shook her head up and down before walking across the quad to get her shoes. I thought she would come back so we could study, but she kept right one walking. I got all my homework done and then went home to look up vacation spots for the weekend. I was sitting on my bed with my laptop when Alice came into my room.

"Where did Bella go?" she asked.

"I don't know," I said with a shrug. "Maybe out with Jake."

"No, all her stuff is gone, she moved," Alice explained.

My head snapped up and I threw my laptop to the side and ran into their room. One side was totally empty. I grabbed my phone and dialed her number, but it went right to voice mail. "Bella Swan, you better call me back, I'm not kidding," I yelled into the phone.

"Did you guys have a fight or something?" Alice asked.

"No, she told me she was pregnant and I told her I would be an awful dad," I said and still didn't see any reason for her to move out.

Alice covered her mouth in shock and looked at me with huge eyes. I thought she would ask me to impregnate her since Jasper wasn't getting the job done, but I think one Edward baby was enough. She shook her head and pulled out her own phone. Within ten minutes Jasper showed up. I hated the fact I lived with his girlfriend.

He pulled me into his arms, I thought to comfort me, but said, "Congratulations."

Oh hell no, not congratulations like I was going to be a father, because this was simply a messed up situation that needed to be fixed, just like my relationship with him. "I'm not going to be a father," I said sternly. "I'm going away with you this weekend and we're going to become exclusive."

"No you aren't," Alice interjected. "I love him, too."

"He's gay, damn it," I screamed at her.

"So are you, daddy," she yelled back and her dig was deeper than mine.

I would suggest cutting Jasper in two, but we both wanted the same half so it wouldn't work. We stared at him, daring him to make a decision with us both in front of him. He looked at me and said, "Edward, let's go in your room and talk."

He didn't need to speak in code, but I'm sure Alice was able to decipher it anyway. I followed him into my room and pulled off my shirt. He turned to face me and took a step back. "I said talk," he accentuated. "You need to go find Bella and make this good with her, or we're finished."

"How do you expect me to make it good, she's pregnant and I don't want to be a father?" I asked.

"I'll help you," he said. "We all will, we can do this together."

"Three gay guys and three straight women are going to raise a baby?" I asked with humor.

"No, six people are going to love a child and put it first in everything," he qualified.

"First," I asked, "Like in the shower and to eat?" He shouldn't expect me to understand, this was his dream, not mine.

"No, like we are going to marry the girls and give this child a home," he said with a seriousness that was so dad like.

I wanted to cry when it dawned on me I would never be doable again.

8

Bella was MIA and I was SAD with the turn my life was taking. I had used a condom, I know I did, but there were a couple of times she would play on me and I guess my natural lube had a few good swimmers. I spent the first night pissed, the next one feeling sorry for myself, the third worried about Bella, and the fourth missing her terribly.

I couldn't remember ever going four days without seeing Bella. She was subtle but constant and I missed her presence. I called every day to yell at her or beg her to call; I finally had to do more and called her father.

"Hello Chief Swan, this is Edward Masen, is Bella in Forks?" I tried to sound easy going and not worried about a missing girl I knocked up.

"She's in Arizona, visiting her mother," he said and I could have sworn his tone was accusatory.

"Do you have a number where I could reach her? There is an issue with the rent," I said, but left out it was the issue of if she still lived here or not.

He gave me a number and I called it with anxiety. A woman answered and I asked to speak with Bella.

"Hello," she said and I let out a rush of air in relief.

"Why did you run from me?" I asked her bluntly.

"You didn't you know, want….like when I told you….um….the baby."

"Should I put Jasper on the line so you can speak clearly?" I said in frustration.

"Shove it up your ass, oh wait, you would like that, so just shut the hell up," she yelled. Whoa, Bella got some balls from somewhere. Maybe Arizona was good for her. I laughed and realized how much I missed my girl. She kept me grounded and I needed her.

"Come back, so we can work this out," I said and smiled, knowing she would rush right back to my side.

"Hum…let me think. Ah, no," she said harshly.

"Wait, you're not coming?" I asked because I wasn't sure I heard her right.

"Edward, you are an egotistical, narcissistic, spoiled, self-centered prick. I wouldn't raise a child with you if you were the last semi-male on earth," she yelled into the phone and then hung up.

I took acceptation to her 'semi-male' comment. I was male, very male, and just happened to like other very male men, but I liked her too. She was the reason for my whole sexual confusion. I loved how she whimpered when I used my tongue on her nipples or how she would pant as she sat on my very male dick. If anything I was overly-male instead of semi-male.

I dialed the phone again and she answered with an angry greeting. "What do you want, Edward?"

"I want you to come home, I miss you," I said honestly.

"Why, did Jasper dump you?"

"No, he wants you to come home, too. He said he would help me be a father and we would all raise the baby."

"Jasper said that?" she asked softly.

"Bella, I love you, and I love Jasper, too."

She was quiet for a moment and then we both broke into loud laughter. I might love her, I know I love doing her, but she knew me as well as I knew myself, and I loved myself.

"You are my best friend Bella and we can do this," I begged.

"I'll think about it," she said and hung up on me.

I smiled and turned around to see Jasper standing there. He gave me a hesitant look and I shrugged. "She's going to think about it," I told him and then held out my hand for his.

"You need to go after her," he said without offering his hand.

"She's in Arizona."

"So, get on a plane," he pushed.

"Shouldn't she make this decision on her own?" I asked him, because I didn't see the sense of dragging her home.

"Edward, I am trying to teach you how to be sensitive to others. She's pregnant and alone, most likely terrified and worried. Go to her and make her feel safe and secure," he said as he stepped forward and hugged me.

I let my head rest on his shoulder and tried to gain as much strength as I could. "You are such a good man," I said and he kissed my neck softly.

"You could be too, if you tried a little harder," he said and I laughed.

"Okay, I'll go to Arizona," I said and nodded to my room. He followed behind me, rubbing my back gently and then shut the door behind himself. I pulled off my shirt and he placed his hands on my chest, touching me lightly as they trailed down to my pants.

I ran my hands around his neck and pulled him to me, feeling him pressed against my own pelvis. He was running his hands up and down my back, slowly and gently. It was the actions of a tender lover and I closed my eyes and felt his touch. We finally undressed and climbed into bed together.

"You are so beautiful," he said and I was ready to give him my smirk when I saw him looking at me with a sad expression.

"What's wrong?" I asked him.

"Edward, everything is going to change. You'll come to realize how shallow this is and you'll need me less and less," he said softly.

"Shallow, you're my ultimate, don't you know that?" I asked him.

"I'm your ultimate conquest and I want to be so much more to you. I love you, Edward."

I felt like the walls were closing in on me. Bella loved me, and Jasper loved me, and I couldn't say it back to either one of them. Maybe I was incapable of love and they were both wasting their time on me. I tried to play it off as no big deal and moved to kiss him, but he pulled away.

"I'm trying to tell you something," he said and tears formed in his eyes. I got scared because Jasper wasn't the emotional type. "I'm telling you this will be the last time for us to be together. You need to be there for Bella now, and I'm still hoping to have a baby with Alice."

"I thought we were going to do this together," I said with a panic.

"I'm not going anywhere," he said and ran his finger over my lip. "But I'm not coming to your bed anymore either."

I didn't believe him. He was trying to make me focus on Bella, but I knew I would be too much of a temptation for him to resist. I pulled him to my mouth and kissed him deeply before rolling onto him. He was too accommodating, giving in to everything I did. I got the feeling he was giving himself to me one last time.

I finally pulled away from him. It felt to final and I didn't want to feel that. I sat on the edge of the bed and tried to find the words to say what I was feeling. Jasper smiled at me and got out of the bed. "See, you're growing already," he said and I glared at him.

If this was growing up, I didn't like it. I missed Bella and I missed Jasper. I felt alone, and it wasn't a familiar feeling. I had to take something to help me sleep and woke up the next morning feeling groggy and grumpy. Emmett gave me a ride to the airport and I never even tried anything with him. I just got my bag and got on the plane.

It was a long flight and the guy next to me kept trying to have a conversation. I never even looked to see if he was doable, I just ignored him the best I could. I rented a car and punched the address into the GPS. I made my way through the valley traffic and the oppressive heat to the small house where Bella's mother lived.

I walked up to the door with no idea what I was going to say and knocked loudly. Bella answered and her mouth fell open without any words….typical for a surprised Bella.

"I want to visit my child," I said and gave her a smile. She bit her lip to keep from smiling back and looked at me like I was full of shit.

"What are you doing here?" she asked and didn't invite me inside.

"Come on, it's hot out here," I said with a whiny voice.

She finally stepped back and let me come into the house. A woman who looked similar to her was sitting on the couch. Her eyes looked me up and down, because most women found me doable before finding out I was gay.

"Mom, this is Edward," Bella said with a mumble.

"Hello," I said and gave her a cute boyish grin.

"Oh my," she said and fanned herself. Bella gave me her own eye roll and I stood in the middle of the room as both women stared at me.

"So, are you coming home?" I finally asked Bella, because I didn't plan on sticking around in this heat for too much longer.

"You show up and I'm supposed to just follow you home like a good little puppy," she said with attitude, still working her newly found balls.

"Bella, we've never been apart this long. I really miss you," I said and felt emasculated in front of her mother.

"Do you remember when we first met?" she asked and I had to think back a bit. "I was crazy about you. I wanted you so badly I couldn't even talk around you. I gave you every chance to want me back, but you only used me," she said and began to cry.

"I didn't use you," I yelled loudly. "Do you have any idea how big of a deal it is that I slept with you, often? I'm gay Bella, but I liked having sex with you."

"I want more, I want you to love me," she said emphatically.

"I do love you," I said and felt it was real.

"But you love Jasper, too," she said and I glanced over at her mother who was watching as if we were putting on a play.

"He's making a life with Alice, and I want a life with you," I told her and felt like I was participating in a play, saying the words I was supposed to say. I really did love Bella and wanted to have her with me always, but I also knew I would want to do Jasper anytime I could.

"Edward, you can't be faithful, and I'm not talking about Jasper. I am talking about any cute guy who catches your eye."

"What do you mean?" I asked her.

"If we raise a child together I understand your need for Jasper, but nobody else," she said and I knew there was a reason why I loved Bella.

"What about Emmett?" I asked to see how open she was willing to be.

She let out a loud sight and said, "You hated your relationship with Emmett."

"Yeah, but the sex was good," I pointed out.

"I want you to be faithful to me and Jasper, can you do that?" she asked and watched me closely for my reaction. I thought about it, seriously. I could see myself living with Bella and seeing Jas on the side, so I nodded. I reached out and picked up a piece of her hair and gave her my best smile. She walked up to me and wrapped her arms around my neck. I held her close and rocked her back and forth as we tried to come to some sort of understanding.

My best friend was having my baby, the only person in the world I knew who would be a great mom; I just wasn't so sure about my role as a dad. I was scared, worried, feeling old and a bit curious as to what our baby would look like. But, when I looked back over my life Bella was always there for me, so it was time for me to be there for her.

"I'll marry you Bella, if you want me to," I offered.

"We'll see," she said softly and I tightened my arms around her.

"It looks like I'm going to be a grandma," Renee said with excitement and I groaned because I knew there was something else I had to do…tell my parents their gay son was going to be a father.

9

My father, Edward Sr. was a lawyer, very conservative and emotionally closed off. My mother was always suffering from some imaginary illness and terrified of germs, I have no idea how I turned out so normal. I never hid my sexuality from them and they never commented on it.

It was assumed I would go to law school and join my father's firm. I wouldn't mind being a lawyer, I rocked the tailored suits. But going to law school with a wife and child was a bit much to expect my parents to deal with, no matter how uptight they were.

They knew Bella; she had been to my house many times for holidays and celebrations. She even slept over a few times. I thought it would be my parents hoping she could change me, not Bella herself.

We spent the day talking over the mechanics of having the baby, like insurance and where we would put a crib. When night came it was still unbelievably hot, so I stripped down to my boxers and climbed in her small bed. She had on a tiny t-shirt with her panties, which looked so much better than the flannel she wore in Washington.

"You look hot," I told her, "Totally doable."

She gave me a crooked smile and leaned over to kiss me. Bella's kisses were always soft and never demanding. She would take whatever I was willing to give her without pushing for more. I decided to see just how far she would go if she was the one in charge. I put my arms behind my head and said, "I'm all yours, do whatever you want."

I thought she would think about it, or need a little coaxing, but she rolled onto me and got crazy. Her hair fell onto my face, clouding me in her own little cocoon. She never stuttered once as she took control and got from me exactly what she wanted. It was the first time I had seen this side of Bella, and damn if I didn't like this side of her.

I was lying on her stomach, listening to her breathing and her heart beating, when I began picturing her very pregnant. I couldn't imagine her being doable when she was waddling and lying with a huge lump in front of her.

"Bella, how big are you going to get?" I asked for my own curiosity.

"I don't know, I'll gain about twenty-five pounds," she said and I sat up and looked at her with wide eyes.

"Twenty-five pounds?" I asked in shock. "Gross."

"It's baby weight," she said with an offended tone.

"No baby weighs twenty-five pounds," I told her and tried to imagine her grossly deformed body.

"Pregnant women are supposed to be beautiful," she told me, but I wasn't buying it. There was nothing doable about someone looking all distended and swollen. I was really glad she agreed to let me see Jasper up front. I would plan on spending the last few months with him in my bed, not Bella.

"Do you want a boy or a girl?" she asked.

I never gave it any thought, since I never planned on being a father. I thought about it and finally shrugged. I'm sure a kid with my genes would be great to look at, stylish, quick witted, and possibly gay. I didn't really care if it was a boy or a girl.

"I don't have a preference," I said, "What about you?"

"I think I would like a little girl," she said and then smiled as she pictured something in her head.

"Have you thought about names?" I asked her, since she seemed to be able to picture herself as a mother.

"I like the name Lane," she said softly.

"Lane? Like a road? Do you want to name a baby or a street?" I asked her and hoped she didn't toss my naked ass out of her bed.

"I didn't say I decided on anything, I just like that name," she said and turned away from me and closed her eyes. I knew it was up to me to give the child a suitable name so I began trying out different combinations. Pretty soon I heard Bella breathing deeply and knew she had fallen asleep. I stayed awake a bit longer, missing Jasper, but happy Bella was coming home with me.

I finally got out of bed and went onto the back patio and called Jasper's cell. He didn't answer so I called Emmett. The background noise told me he was at a club so I worried about Jasper being out too. "Where are you?" I asked him.

"I'm having a guy's night," he replied and I knew what he meant.

"Let me talk to Jasper," I said angrily.

"He's not here," he told me. "I'm with Carlisle."

I began to laugh, knowing for sure Emmett would be willing to teach the guy anything and wouldn't stop for any reason. If Carlisle wanted forced sodomy, he was going to get it. "Be gentle," I teased.

"Shove it, Cullen," he said as he tried to sound hetero.

"You know I will," I responded and then hung up the phone. I went back to Bella's bed and realized just what a bed hog she was. Her long thin legs extended over the entire length of the mattress. I climbed over her and she groaned and curled into a ball. Maybe we would have to look at getting our own beds.

We flew home together the next day and went right to my parents' home. My mother was lying on a chaise lounge with an ice pack on her head, and my father was working in his home office. I checked the cookie jar and grabbed one before putting it away in a cabinet, so Bella wouldn't begin her twenty-five pound weight gain just yet.

She rolled her eyes at me and sat at the table. My mother came into the kitchen and sat also. "We have some new," I said with a big smile.

I was actually a little excited to see the expressions on their faces, so I waited for my father to join us. He came in and gave us a semi-smile. "Shouldn't you be in class?" Dad said with a hint of condensation.

"I'm still pulling in the grades," I told him, since he would have to be calm to hear this news. "Bella and I want to tell you we are getting married, because we are expecting a baby."

There, I said it. It did sound a bit comical, but I said it in a matter-of fact way. Bella tensed and looked down at her fingers. My father looked stunned and glanced over at my mother. I sat with a big ass smile on my face, feeling pretty proud that I managed to knock up some girl without involving a turkey baster.

Suddenly, my dad rose from his seat and headed to the sink for a glass of water. I stunned the fluid right out of him. He took a long swig from his glass and then turned to look at me and Bella. "Congratulations, I'm sure you'll want to discuss wedding plans with your mother," he said with a pale face, and then left the room.

I never planned on having a big wedding, because my dream cake had two tiny grooms on the top, and I never planned on committing to one man. I looked over at Bella and tried to imagine her in a wedding gown, but I could only see her in plaid.

"Do you want a big wedding?" I asked her.

"No, my father isn't going to be…you know… happy about this, so, no, or I can't…..well, like…. I don't plan on hitting him up for a wedding," she said.

"You must have a wedding," my mother insisted. "We can hold it here and you can wear my wedding gown. It won't cost anything."

I could picture Bella in my mom's gown, it was antique lace and worn by my grandmother, also. I would look so doable in a black tux with tails. Jasper could be my best man, looking totally scrumptious in his own classic tux. I would vow to love Bella as I stared at Jasper, yeah, I wanted a wedding now.

I knew my mom thought she would never get the chance to plan a wedding, since she didn't have a daughter and her only son was gay, so I was actually doing her a favor by letting her plan us a wedding. I stood and got a pad of paper with a pen and sat it by the women. "I have to run to the lab, so I'll give you a couple of hours and come back."

I did the right thing by giving Bella a kiss before walking out the door. I drove to campus, getting more and more excited the closer I got. I prayed Jasper was in the lab, because he was the one face I really needed to see right now. I rushed back to where the rats were caged and found Jasper adding food to certain cages. He turned to see who walked into the room and his smile told me he missed me too. I walked right up to him, posting him against the rat cages and not caring at all. I kissed him, with all the emotion I had pent up inside of me.

His hands grabbed the waist of my jeans and held me tightly to him, feeling him come alive against my own excitement.

"God, I missed you," he said into my ear and I just about exploded in my pants. The guy I wanted more than anyone missed me, even though he was the one to send me away to begin with. I kept him from saying anything else because I wanted his mouth on mine.

I held onto the cages so I could push against him with all my weight. I was breathing hard and he was responding in every way, until…."Son-of-a-bitch," I screamed loudly. I pulled my hands back to show the bite on my knuckle. "The damn thing bit me," I said and punched the cage with my good hand. "Am I going to get rabies?"

"No, rats rarely have rabies, but they do cause step infections," Jasper said and he pulled my hand to the sink and began cleaning to wound.

"I'm going to get strep throat?" I asked with confusion.

"No, but you need to start on antibiotics so you don't get rat fever," he said and I laughed, but he didn't laugh.

"No shit?" I asked him.

"No shit," he said adamantly.

We walked together to the campus infirmary. Jasper filled out forms to make a report to the university as I waited for the doctor. "Are you saying I got bit while making out with the grad student in charge of the rats?" I asked with a cute ass smirk.

Jasper didn't look up, but he smiled as he continued to write. I loved his smile, and felt it was worth a bite to the finger to see it. I realized I now had a great reason to kick Bella out of my bed tonight and keep Jasper in with me. He would have to keep a very close eye on my rat bite symptoms.

I leaned closer and whisper, "I feel faint, shouldn't you put me in bed?"

"Stop it," he mumbled.

"I think I need something big and hard to save my life, don't you?"

"Cut it out, Edward," he said as he continued to write. I didn't like how he was dismissing me so I reached over and grabbed his pen. He finally looked at me and I smiled to show him I wasn't pissed.

"When we're done here lets go home," I said softly and instantly grew hard.

"I can't," he said softly. "I'm under a doctor's orders to abstain from sex for three days."

"Get a new doctor," I said harshly, because this quack was really messing up my plans.

"I'm doing everything I can to help Alice conceive, so boxers and cold showers are in order for the next three days, then I'm going to need your help again," he said in just a whisper.

Man, I hated women right now. Two gay guys who were totally into each other were sleeping with women. It was like drinking diet soda when I wanted a shake; sure, it was satisfying, but just not the same.

The doctor called me back and gave me a prescription for penicillin. My mood was dampened and I was really mad at the stupid rat for biting me when I was getting some loving from my guy. I walked to my car in silence and Jasper got in the passenger side. "Edward, come on, lighten up," he said to calm me down.

"This is so messed up. I want you and you want me, but now Alice and Bella are coming between us. I never wanted to be a father Jas, that was your dream," I yelled.

"If you want a relationship with me it is going to be two adult men making the right decisions. I'm tired of picking up losers just for sex," he said and my mouth fell open wide.

"Losers?" I asked.

"I didn't' mean you," he said with a sigh. I could tell I was testing his patience, but I didn't care. He was denying me, when I could tell he wanted me, and I wasn't used to that.

"So the only time we can be together is when you are attached to Alice and I'm keeping you hard?" I asked with an incredulous tone. I was willing to do it, but I wanted more.

He shook his head and looked out the window. "Edward, you have everything I want, and you don't appreciate any of it. I want a child with a woman who understands who I am. I want a best friend to parent with and then a lover who doesn't demand my time."

"I'm getting married Jas, do you realize how deep that shit is?" I yelled.

"Yeah, I do," he yelled back. "Do you realize how many married women complain about having to have sex with their husbands after the baby comes? You won't have that, because you'll be with me."

I tried to find comfort from his sentence, but I kept hearing the word, Dad, screaming in my mind and it made my fears increase. What if I was not longer doable and Jasper didn't want me?


	4. Chapter 10 thru 12

10

I picked up Bella from my parents' house and we drove home in silence. When I headed to my room she followed me. I fell onto the bed and covered my eyes with my arm. She reached out and touched the bandage on my finger.

"What happened to your hand?" she asked softly.

"A rat bit me," I said without moving.

"Oh, you were…like, um… with Jasper?" she asked.

I finally moved my hand and looked at her with an angry, accusing glare. "Yeah, I was with my lover while my fiancé planned her wedding to a gay guy."

She stood quiet for a moment while her anger percolated. She finally took a deep breath and said, "So if you got to stick it up his ass, why aren't you in a better mood?"

I gasped loudly, not at her words, but that she said them without a stutter and in seriousness. I smiled and she climbed into my bed. "Edward, we don't have to do this. I was happy to stay in Arizona."

I pulled her into my arms and tried to explain what an ass I could be. "Bella, I missed you so much. I'm not sure I'll be a good father, but I want to be a good friend to you like you have been to me. I really do love you."

"I know you do, you just hate my breasts," she said with a smile.

"No, I love your breasts, I wish I had them," I told her honestly. "Jasper is keeping it hidden for three days, and then needs my help with Alice again."

"Oh," she said.

"I guess we are better at procreating than they are," I said and stared up at the ceiling. I just had to be good and the one thing I never wanted to do, it was karma or some shit like that. If it was anyone besides Bella carrying my baby I would easily walk away, but then again, nobody but Bella would ever have a way to become pregnant by me.

I finally glanced over at her and said, "What if Jasper stops wanting me?"

"Edward, do you even know what a commitment is?" she asked with a tone that told me she was tired of pointing out crap to me.

I knew what it was _supposed_ to be, but I had to admit I never thought it was something possible for me to do. I lived by a very simple rule, if the person was doable, I wanted to do him. Now my life was spiraling out of control. Bella sighed loudly and got out of bed, I didn't try to stop her. I rolled onto my side and didn't respond when she came back into the room a few minutes later.

She climbed onto the bed and I closed my eyes. I felt a hand reach out and touch me and it was not Bella's. I looked behind me to see Jasper smiling at me. I rolled over to face him and he said, "Bella says you're feeling a bit scared."

"Not just a bit," I admitted to his gorgeous face.

"Edward, we're all in this together, why can't you believe me?"

"You don't even know me," I said and couldn't keep his stare.

"Sure I do," he said softly. "You are the man I love."

"But why can't it just be us?" I asked quietly in case Bella was listening.

"Because there is so much more to want," he whispered back. "We can have it all. Sure, it will be unconventional, but it can work."

I wanted to tell him what a selfish bastard I was. How I couldn't promise to be faithful, because I wasn't sure I was capable of it. I wouldn't just hurt Bella and the baby, but I would hurt him too. I rolled onto my back and looked up at the ceiling again. Jasper moved onto me, looking down at my face with his. I pulled him to my mouth, kissing him fiercely, letting my fear come out in my desperation for him.

He kissed his way down my chest and finally pulled back onto his knees to unzip my jeans. I watched him, certain I would begin to cry if he climbed off the bed and left. When he finally wrapped his mouth around me I grabbed the sheets with my fists and held on for dear life. The bandage pulled on my bite mark but the pain mixed with the unbelievable pleasure only worked to heighten it for me.

I knew I couldn't reciprocate and he was most likely here on Bella's insistence, but it was just what I needed. I pulled him to me and kissed him with gratitude. His hand went into my hair and pulled it roughly, telling me he was having trouble holding back. I ran my tongue over his lips and he opened to let me in. I plunged deeply into his throat and he moaned as his body thrust toward mine.

Without warning he suddenly pulled back and away from me. "I'll send Bella back," he said and climbed off the bed. I watched him leave and wondered where he got such amazing strength from. Bella came back with a shy smile.

"Thanks," I said softly and watched her eyes for any sign of jealousy or anger. She smiled and cuddled up to my side. Okay, maybe I was beginning to see how this could work, but a crying baby was a bit much to add to the equation.

The next three days consisted of me and Bella by ourselves. We went to school, studied late into the evening and came home to crash together in bed. I felt like I was just killing time until Jasper was available, not realizing I was becoming closer and more dependent on Bella each day.

I got used to the way she slept, sprawled out onto the bed. Or how she never put the toilet lid down, but yelled at me for not putting the seat down. She would mumble in her sleep, nothing I could understand, and my sheets and pillows began smelling like her.

I kept my eyes on her stomach and couldn't tell any difference in her body, but she seemed to sleep longer and deeper each day. We were in the library when she finally brought up the issue of Alice and Jasper. "Hey," she said softly, "Are you…you know…like, sleeping with Jasper and Alice tonight?"

"I don't sleep with them," I pointed out, because there was nothing remotely _sleep like_, in what we did.

"I mean…do I…or will you…do you need the bed?" she settled with.

I opened my mouth to speak and something dawned on me. It was always me, Jasper, and Alice together, but maybe Bella had a wild side to her we could add to the mix. I would feel a lot less guilty if I thought Bella was going elsewhere too.

"Do you want to see what we do?" I asked her and watched her face blush. She had seen me with guys, and knew what I did with her, but she had no idea what I did with Jasper and Alice.

"Are you suggesting….um, you know….like, all of us?" she asked and her eyes looked away from mine.

"Yeah, I am," I said with a chuckle, because I suddenly got very excited about the idea. Maybe it would be weird for some people to see the two people they love kissing each other, but the thought drove me wild with desire.

"I'm not, I mean, I don't think….you know, I don't know…."

"Yes or no," I asked to stop the fits and starts.

She thought for a moment and then finally nodded softly. I kicked her foot under the table to make her look at me and then gave her my best _hot damn_ smile. She smiled back and crossed her arms so I wouldn't notice how much she was shaking. Bella always seemed so conservative, but maybe because I treated her that way.

We finished studying and headed to a club for a drink. It was Friday night and it was going to be a night to remember. Jasper had to lay off the alcohol, but I didn't. The first person I noticed was Emmett. He was sitting next to Carlisle at the bar so I sat on the other side of him. He glanced over and gave me a polite nod.

Bella ordered an orange juice and I got vodka. "Congratulations," Carlisle said to Bella.

"Oh thanks," she said awkwardly.

"I'm guessing you don't have any children," I said to Carlisle, "Seeing how you can only use your mouth."

His eyes went right to Emmett and I laughed loudly. Seems like the old boy got what he asked for. I patted Emmett on the back and he quickly threw my hand off of him. Bella watched with wide eyes and I wondered if she understood anything. I took her hand and pulled her to the dance floor.

Bella was uncoordinated, but when she was held tightly she could move as good as the best of them. Holding Bella was nice, her slim build made me feel huge and she used her long legs to move her body up and down mine. I was getting pretty worked up and when she bit my neck I quickly pulled her mouth to my own.

Something was different tonight, and I wasn't sure if it was my eyes finally opening or that fact I was in a relationship with two people I really cared for, but kissing Bella felt differently. The song ended and she pulled her face back to look at mine.

"Wow," she said, finally summing everything up with one word.

"Let's get out of here," I said and pulled her to the door. She laughed when we spilled onto the street and I kept her right against my side as we hurried home. I was having all kinds of confidence in this working when we came into the house to find Alice and Jasper kissing on the couch.

It looked…wrong. He seemed too big for her tiny body and she wasn't nearly aggressive enough in the way she held him or kissed him. I inhaled sharply and come over to pull his head back and showed her the way to kiss him properly.

He pulled me onto his lap and I pushed onto my knees as I continued to kiss him. His head was arching back to remain attached to me and I was trying to find the pressure of his body. I felt a hand move down my jeans and was stunned to see it was Bella's.

I was on stimulation overload and not quite sure what to do, so Bella took control. "Jasper, lie down," she instructed and he fell to his back on the couch. Alice quickly began to take off Jasper's pants as Bella pulled me to his head. She sat between the couch and my body and then said, 'Okay, kiss him."

I wasn't sure what Alice was doing to Jasper, but I knew what Bella was doing to me as I kissed Jasper passionately. He was moaning and sighing as I got crazy with his lips and tongue. The sensation of Bella getting me off while I kissed Jasper was overwhelming, so I didn't last too long. She never moved or tried to stop me from exploding in her mouth. Jasper followed right after me and Alice screamed with her own release.

We were all panting like we had run a marathon and nobody was speaking. This couldn't be what I thought it was; who's life gets to be this damn sexy? I gave Jasper a quick kiss and then pulled Bella up and kissed her. I was shocked when Jasper pulled Bella to his own mouth and kissed her, too.

I didn't feel any jealousy or envy. I liked seeing Jasper kissing Bella and leaned my own mouth to join in with both of them. When we finally all pulled away Alice was jumping up and down with excitement.

"I never thought this would work, but it can if Edward stops being such a douche," she said with a big smile.

"I'm not a douche," I said adamantly. Hell, I was letting her use my guys sperm in order to spawn, how is that douche like behavior? I thought I was being pretty generous by helping her out and not to mention making my own little repetition with Bella.

The phone rang and Alice turned to look at the caller ID. Her face grew sullen and she looked over at Bella. "It's your dad," she said and Bella covered her mouth with her hand as if he had been watching what we all just did.

It was time to finally completely man up. I picked up the phone, to tell Chief Swan I knocked up his daughter and planned to marry her.

11

I wasn't afraid, because Bella's father was many miles away. The distance gave me courage and I picked up the phone as a confident young man. I was also experiencing a group orgy afterglow, so I wasn't thinking too clearly.

"Hello," I said with a smirk. He couldn't see it, but it was worth the effort for those in the room.

"I want to speak to Bella," Charlie said angrily.

"I need to ask you something first. Can I have her hand in marriage?" I asked. "I mean, she already said yes, but I should run it past you."

"I thought you were gay?" he said with surprise.

"Yeah, but she's more doable than I thought," I explained and Bella smacked my arm. "Oh, and she's pregnant," I added to sweeten the deal.

I was being cavalier in front of my friends, but in reality the idea of coming face to face with Chief Swan was terrifying. I hoped to piss him off so badly he refused to come to any wedding, regardless of having to pay or not.

I could tell Charlie was speaking with a very tight jaw when he asked me to put Bella on the line. I chuckled and handed her the phone. She took it and left the room to speak. I looked back at Jasper and Alice and they both shook their heads.

"What?" I asked. "He had to be told."

Jasper took hold of my hand and looked at the bandage. "How's the bite?" he asked.

"Good, it doesn't even hurt anymore," I said and loved how concerned he was for my well being.

He pulled my finger to his lips and kissed it gently before saying, "I'll be with Alice tonight."

"You just did Alice," I whined like a pubescent schoolgirl. "Your swimmers will last for days."

"Bella will need you to console her after talking to her father," Jasper said with a calm, even voice, unlike mine.

"Are you punishing me?" I asked, because the only reason he could possibly want to be with Alice was to punish me for being brash.

He placed his arm around her tiny shoulders and she gave me a smart ass smile. "I think I can do it on my own tonight," he said to plunge the dagger into my heart. He was going to do it again, without me. I realized he was most likely over reaching his abilities so I shrugged. He'd come back, they always did.

I got into the shower and then waited for Bella to come to bed. She was gone for a long time and I finally went looking for her…and to listen by Alice's door. I saw Bella sitting in a chair next to the couch, with her legs pulled up and her head on her knees. I walked over and ran my fingers through her hair.

"What's wrong?" I asked, and hoped she could talk quickly so I could listen by the door.

"Nothing," she mumbled. Oh God, she was being such a girl. She wanted me to press for information or insist she get it out. I sat down with a sigh and then nudged her shoulder. She turned her head to the side and smiled at me.

Bella was good. She wasn't the love of my life but she was my best friend and that meant a lot. Her goodness was so undeserved and I smiled back at her. "We can do this," I said confidently, even though I highly doubted it on the inside.

"Edward, can you change diapers?" she asked softly.

"Gross," I said and shook my head.

"Can you bathe a baby?" she asked.

"Don't you just wipe it down or something?" I asked, not sure I wanted to touch anything that drooled and shit.

"Can you rock it, and walk the floor as it cries itself to sleep?"

I wasn't sure why she was talking crazy, but I didn't see where the conversation was headed. I would be by her side as she did all that stuff, I thought that was what she expected of me. I took a deep breath and said, "Bella, you can do all of that, I know you can."

"Then why do I need you?" she asked.

Oh I see now, she wanted to know why she should marry me. I should give her assurances and tell her I will help in every way, but I couldn't, because I didn't have a clue how to be a father. I was Mr. Doable and anything beyond that was out of my capabilities.

"Is there a class or something I can take?" I asked, not really offering to go, but trying to cheer her up.

Her eyes grew wide and a genuine smile came across her face. "Oh Edward, would you go to parenting classes with me?"

I felt tears sting my eyes as I nodded up and down. People would see me; people who were possibly doable would see me coming from a Daddy class and know I was just another sop who gave up on life. I would rather Chief Swan shoot me. Bella jumped from her chair and onto my lap. She kissed my cheeks and the tears fell from my eyes. "I love you, Edward," she said adamantly, but I couldn't say it. I didn't love me right now.

We walked hand in hand to the bedroom. I looked back toward the closed bedroom door down the hall and felt my stomach churn.

The next morning I woke up before anyone else and went into the kitchen for some yogurt and toast. I heard a noise and turned to see Rosalie walk into the room. "Good morning," she mumbled and I only answered with a grunt.

She walked up to the toaster and pushed me aside as she put in some bread. I got two yogurts and some butter from the fridge and she nodded with appreciation. We sat across from each other, eating in silence until she finally said, "Give me your honest opinion of Emmett."

"He's an ass," I said snidely.

"As a person, not as your former lover," she qualified.

"Okay, since you asked. He's too afraid to fully come out of the closet so he'll continue to do your sweet ass and pretend he's some macho jock dating the prom queen….when he's the real queen."

"What if I said I didn't mind?" she said hesitantly.

"You don't mind he's a fake?" I asked.

"Most guys can't….they are uncomfortable with my aggressiveness. Emmett likes it," she tried to explain but I held up my hand to stop her.

"Unless you're strapping something on, he likes something else a lot better," I laughed but her face turned red. "Oh my God," I yelled. "You're the dude in the relationship."

"Hey," she yelled loudly. "It works for us. What in the hell is going on with you and Bella?"

"I love Bella," I said in a softer voice.

"As much as you love Jasper?" she asked knowingly.

"In a different way," I admitted. "Bella knows everything about me, and Jasper is just doable."

"Do you know everything about Bella?" she challenged me. "Like what dreams she is giving up to have your baby? Or if she wants to have the baby christened or baptized? Does she want to stay home with the baby or use daycare?"

I felt like I was suffocating. There was too much to do regarding a baby and maybe Jasper thought about all of this. I realized I did need him to be with me through all of this, just to think about the things I didn't. I got up and went to Alice's room. I didn't knock; I just entered and walked over to the bed.

Jasper was sleeping on his side and I knelt down to admire his gorgeous face. I raised my finger and let it wander across his full lips until he smiled and opened his eyes.

"Good morning," I said in a whisper.

"Now it is," he replied and pulled me to his lips.

Okay, I felt much better. This I understood and knew how to handle, baby stuff was quickly forgotten. I kissed him deeply and ran my hand over his leg to his ass. He rolled onto his back and pulled me onto the bed on top of him. Alice sat up and looked over at us.

"This is my bed," she complained.

I ignored her and continued kissing my angel. She finally got up and stomped out of the room. We were going to have to address her jealousy but right now I didn't want to talk about anything. Our kisses escalated until I was panting loudly and reached for the fly on his pajamas.

"Un uh," he moaned and pushed my hand away.

"Why?" I asked and raised my head to see his face.

"I told you Alice is fertile this weekend. I can only do it to her," he replied as if tired of explaining things to me.

"So I have to be fertile to get some time with you?" I said and climbed off the bed.

Jasper laughed loudly at my sulking face and said, "You become fertile and I'll do only you."

"Why do you want a baby so badly," I said in anger.

"I want a child, a part of me that will live on. There is more to life than just sex," he said and I laughed. Oh, he was serious. I tried to go back to my interested face but he turned away from me.

I wasn't going to beg, because there were plenty of men who wanted me, as well as a style challenged, stuttering girl. I went back into my bedroom and heard Bella barfing up her guts in the bathroom, my bathroom. I walked quickly to the door and pulled it shut, it was not something I wanted to hear or see.

I dressed and left. It was Saturday morning and I had nowhere to go, so I went to my parents' house. My father would be at the club and my mother would be free to talk with. I walked in to find her sewing. "What's up mom?" I asked and hoped she didn't find it too odd that I dropped by unannounced.

"I'm making a baby blanket for Bella," she said and I wanted to throw a full blown hissy fit in the middle of her sewing room. Everything was about the baby now and I didn't like it. She noticed the look on my face and stopped what she was doing. She walked over to a cabinet and pulled out some photo albums. "Come here," she said and I sat on the edge of her chair.

She opened the first book and pointed at her and my father. Dad had his hand on mom's stomach. "I was due this day, but you didn't come for another week," she said as if it was something I should be proud of.

I stared at her huge figure and felt a bit sick. "How did you lose the weight," I asked my always thin mother.

"It comes off easily," she said without any more comment.

I turned the page and stared at my adorable baby face. I watched my mother smile as she said, "I could see you had my mouth and your father's eyes."

I looked at the miniature little human and could see it too. I wondered what a child with Bella's mouth and my eyes would look like.

"Edward, I can't tell you what it is like to hold your child in your arms. It is something you have to experience."

"I'm scared," I told her honestly.

"Of course you are, it is very scary. But it is also the greatest feeling in the world. I can't imagine my life without my little boy," she said, because I was the light of her life. "I'm afraid I spoiled you badly. I was captivated by your smile and wanted to see it constantly."

I think my mom was trying to tell me I was a selfish SOB and she was taking the blame for it. I laughed and kissed her cheek as she turned to the next page. We worked our way through the books and she held them up for me to take. "Give these to Bella, I think she'll want to see them," my mother said.

"She was head deep in the commode when I left," I said and my mother frowned.

"You left her with morning sickness?"

"I shouldn't have?" I asked and felt horrible all over again.

"Son, think of her carrying a smaller version of yourself, wouldn't you like someone taking care of you?"

When she made it all about me it was easier to understand. I took the books and headed home to apologize to Bella. I had a feeling I would be doing this a lot over the next few months….or years.

12

I found Bella in bed eating crackers. In my bed eating crackers. Cracker crumbs in my bed. I tried to ignore it and sat the books next to her as I moved the cracker box out of my bed. She opened the albums and smiled, because my face could cause the hardest of souls to smile.

"You were so cute," she said with a high funny voice.

"Were?" I asked with an offended voice.

"Look how much hair you have," she said as she turned the page.

"Yeah, I had a happy trail by eleven," I told her with pride.

"You'll probably be bald by thirty," she teased and I tried to take the albums back but she held on tightly. "I'm just kidding."

We went through all the pictures and she asked a few questions about my childhood. We met in high school, so she knew the older version of me. We had talked about my sexuality a lot over the years so there weren't any surprises there.

"So how did it go with Charlie?" I finally asked her.

"Well," she started slowly, "He hates you now. He thinks I'm stupid and he doesn't give us a chance in hell of working out."

"So it went like I expected," I laughed and she nodded. Charlie only liked me because I was gay. He thought Bella would be safe with me, and she would have, if Jasper wouldn't have gotten me all hot by doing Alice.

"Edward, I hear a lot of married woman complain about their husbands not being a friend to them. I love you because you are my best friend, but I couldn't stand the thought of you growing to hate me."

"Hate you?" I gasped. "I hate the way you dress, but I could never hate you."

"I want you to promise you'll tell me if you begin to hate me. I'll let you go if that happens," she said and I grew even more amazed by her. I leaned over and kissed her softly; similar to how I would kiss Jasper.

Her kiss grew needy and she held my hair with her fist and pulled as my tongue moved around in her mouth. She tasted salty and I felt myself grow hard by her intensity. She moved to sit on my lap and quickly unzipped my jeans. I reached for her panties and felt she wasn't wearing any, getting me even harder. Bella finally pushed me back onto a pillow and locked her arms on my chest to keep me pinned to the bed.

I kept my eyes closed and tried to feel if anything was different. She rode me fast and hard, as many guys had and I had to admit the feeling was all the same. Her hand reached behind her body and squeezed my balls firmly. I lost it and screamed out loudly, "Jas."

Oops, I didn't mean it as an insult. I thought it was pretty damn amazing that I saw Bella as the guy I drooled over. I just wasn't so sure she would see it the way I did. I opened my eyes to see her head dropped back and her entire body shivering with her own release. Maybe she didn't hear me and I was in the clear.

When her body finally calmed she let her head fall forward and she opened her eyes. They looked darker, almost wild and I found her prettier than I had ever seen her before. She licked her dry lips with her tongue and said, "Unless you're up my ass, don't ever call me Jas again."

I nodded, feeling like there was a side of Bella that needed just a little coaxing to come forward. I just wish a baby wasn't the reason for my willingness to try. Bella climbed off the bed and I swatted her bare ass roughly. She spun around and pointed a finger at me. "You better be willing to take what you're willing to give," she warned.

I smiled, and didn't even try to make myself look doable. I smiled because her comment brought it out of me. "Do you think you're man enough?" I asked her.

She gave me her own sexy smile and said, "Oh yeah, I really am." She headed into the bathroom and climbed into the shower. My little, stuttering, clothing challenged Bella had a kinky side and I could suddenly picture her with a strap on dildo or a whip in her hand. Maybe we could work after all.

I spent the remainder of the weekend hiding from Bella when she was nauseous and pushing her sexually when she was feeling better. I couldn't find a limit where she asked me to stop and it drove me crazy. Jasper was working hard to impregnate Alice, but I was playing joyfully with Bella.

It was the middle of the week before Jasper turned his attention back to me. I was in the lab and he walked in looking guilty. "Hey," I said without concern.

"I'm sorry," he said softly and I looked around to see what he was talking about.

"Sorry for what?" I asked, thinking I had missed something.

"I've been preoccupied and I miss you," he said and ran his hand down my chest.

"Oh, yeah, did you knock her up?" I asked.

"I don't know, it is really hard having so much pressure to ejaculate," he said sadly and I laughed.

"It usually has to be really hard," I pointed out and he finally smiled.

He leaned in and kissed me and I could feel his pent up emotions in his kiss. He wanted a child, but he wanted me too. I finally dropped the clipboard and wrapped my arms around him tightly. He leaned into me and I kissed him the way I had been kissing Bella all week. I resisted his attempt to back me into the cages, I wasn't about to have a rat bite on my ass.

We both heard the door open and pulled apart. I picked up the clipboard and turned to the cages as Jasper moved to his desk. Professor Stanley walked in and smiled at Jasper. "I got a call from the University of Georgia in Athens, they are interested in offering you a position," he said and my stomach lurched. I spun around and looked at Jasper. He swore he would help me through this baby thing and now he could possibly leave me.

"We'll talk later," Jasper said softly to the professor.

I felt sick and hung up the clipboard and ran from the lab. I was a gay man with a wedding in two weeks to a woman who was expecting my baby. I was in over my head and I couldn't handle it anymore. I wanted Bella to be back in Arizona where her mother could help her. I wanted to be trolling bars and finding young twinks to play with.

I was making my way quickly across campus and ran into Emmett. I grabbed him by the front of the shirt and pulled him with me away from the crowd. "Let's go to my place. You've always known how to please me," I said with a panicked voice.

He laughed and pulled out of my grasp. "I've got a good thing going; I'm not going to ruin it over you."

"What good thing, Rose?" I asked with a ridiculous laugh.

"Hey," he yelled. "I don't need you, Edward. I know you think you are the only man on earth who gay men want, but you're wrong."

"Are you talking about Carlisle?" I screamed, because anyone picking him over me was laughable.

Emmett moved closer to me and spoke with a soft, threatening voice. "I'm tired of being used by you; find someone else to fall for your lies."

He didn't get it, I wasn't using him, I needed him to use me. I needed to be reminded of who I was and find confidence in something familiar. I could feel the tears stinging my eyes and Emmett looked like he was about to laugh, so I spun around and ran.

I was overwhelmed with the need to run away from everything I knew. I was scared and felt like I was going to hyperventilate when I ran into my house and saw Bella sitting on the couch. She jumped up as I fell to my knees and cried like a pussy.

"Edward, what's wrong?" she asked as she wrapped her arms around me. I hung onto her arm and cried loudly into her chest.

"I can't do it," I said with muffled cries. "I don't know how and I can't be the man you need."

She rocked me gently and held me tightly as she spoke softly. "Oh Edward, you have always been the man I need. You don't have to change for me."

"I'll be a horrible father," I admitted in my sobs.

"At first you will, but you'll learn," she said.

"Bella, I'm so selfish and so shallow," I admitted, but for the first time I saw it as something bad instead of something charming.

"But you're also smart, and entertaining, and funny, and giving, and…."

"Stop," I begged her, because her own goodness was shining through, not mine.

"Listen," she said firmly. "We have three months left of school. You focus on that and let me focus on our baby."

I nodded and kept the news about Jasper leaving to myself. It wasn't a sure thing, and maybe it wouldn't even happen. I wasn't going to worry about something I had no control over until it happened. In the meantime I would do everything I could to make him change his mind. I was going to law school here in Seattle and Jasper would have to find a position here, leaving wouldn't be an option and I would make that very clear.

I walked back to campus with Bella and we settled in the library to study. I was getting some serious homework done when Jasper interrupted us. He leaned over my book and said sternly. "We need to talk."

Damn right we did, I thought and followed him outside into the darkness. He walked to the end of the building and then turned to look at me. "Edward, I'll do what is best for me, not you, but me. I've studied hard to be offered positions like the one in Georgia. We can work out time to spend together, but I'm not going to turn anything down if it is what is best for me."

"What if Alice gets pregnant, you're just leaving?" I asked.

He crossed his arms and said nervously, "Alice will come with me."

I stared at him as if I didn't understand English. I felt like he was playing a prank on me and someone would jump from the bushes and we would all laugh. "You chose her over me?" I asked softly and made a weird chuckling noise.

"I know it isn't fair," he said. "I need a wife and child to be at the level professionally I want to reach. Alice understands my other needs and she will allow me to have them. I'm not choosing her over you, I'm choosing you both."

"How are you choosing me, if you leave?" I demanded.

"Finish law school and come to Georgia, or I'll keep looking for a position to open up here. We'll visit each other and talk on the phone," he said as if he had it all worked out.

"What about my baby? You know I can't do this without you," I begged.

He smiled and placed his hand on my shoulder. "You don't need me to show you how to love your child. It will come naturally, I promise."

He had faith in me and Bella had faith in me, but I had none. I still had the stifling, drowning feeling, and I nodded so my voice wouldn't give me away. He pulled me into his arms and kissed my neck as I remained stiff and unbending. I couldn't even imagine doing him right now. It wasn't that he was talking about being a father; it was his leaving that made him suddenly undoable.

I did something I never thought I would be able to do…ever. I chose to walk away from him and go back to Bella. I needed her right now, not him. I wasn't sure we would be able to work out the division that had worked its way between us.


	5. Chapter 13 thru 16

13

Things got weird, really weird. Bella and I continued on in ignorant bliss as Jasper and Alice began to fight constantly. I never offered to help, because I was bitter and petty. Bella didn't want sex on a regular basis. She usually fell asleep the second her head hit the pillow. I was willing to wank off in the shower before admitting I wanted Jasper.

The weekend of our makeshift wedding arrived and I was excited to let all my friends and family see me in a tux. Bella made all the plans with my mom; I just planned on showing up. I waited in my dad's office until I was called to the living room. Jasper and Emmett waited at the front of the room wearing their own tuxes. I groaned and walked up to stand by them. Jasper patted my shoulder and I refused to acknowledge him. If he wasn't going to stay and do me, I wasn't going to be all cheery about him being my best man.

The music began and Rose and Alice walked down the stairs in matching dresses. Both women glared at me and I was tempted to grab my unit and give them a 'bite me' gesture. Finally Bella came down the stairs holding onto Charlie's arm. He was glaring at me too, but Bella was smiling. She never had any taste but she looked amazing in my mother's wedding gown. Her hair was pulled onto her head in loose curls and I nodded in appreciation.

Luckily her flowers hid any hint of a baby bulge. I reached for her hand and Charlie gave me a look that told me he would love to shoot it off. Bella placed her hand in mine and then gave her dad a kiss, while I offered him my award winning smirk.

"You look beautiful," I told Bella, and really meant it.

"We're going to do this," she said with a slight giggle.

Well, yeah, that was the whole reason for the wedding. I wasn't purposefully going hetero; I fell into it by accident. I turned to face the minister and caught the look on Jasper's face. He looked….broken, or dejected, anything but like a happy best man.

It caught me off guard and I felt the urge to hug him. Instead I gave him a quick wink and he smiled at me. The minister began with his lecture about the solemn nature of marriage, but he was too late to warn us about making a mockery of the institution. We said our vows and I looked more at the audience than at Bella, but I had to make sure they all got an equal look at my hotness in a tux.

We were pronounced man and wife and I almost vomited down the front of her dress. Bella, my best friend was now my wife. She kissed me softly and whispered, "You're shaking."

"No shit," I said back. Shaking was nothing; my ass was closed so tight I felt like a virgin.

People began stepping forward to offer their congratulations. Emmett pinched my butt, Carlisle kissed my ear, and Jasper held on tightly when he hugged me. Rose gave me a high five and called me a prick, while little Alice tried to take a slap at my family jewels. This had disaster written all over it.

We opened our gifts and encouraged everyone to eat and drink. That was it, the wedding of unstylish Bella and gay Edward. We didn't have a honeymoon or even a wedding night. Bella stayed up to talk about baby things with her mother and I passed out drunk on my bed just after midnight.

I woke up alone the next morning and looked at the band around my third finger. "Oh God," I groaned and stumbled my way into the shower. I woke up enough to walk decently and headed into the kitchen with fresh clothes on. The house was empty and I was glad. I didn't want to face anything right now. I made some food and looked away from the flowers lying on the table.

I headed back to my room to eat and it was then I noticed Jasper sitting still in the chair next to the sofa. He didn't move, only his eyes watched me. I swallowed and sat my plate down. "What's up?" I asked.

"I'm drunk," he slurred.

I laughed, if anyone had a reason to be drunk it was me. I was the one married to a woman and expecting a baby. "Why are you drunk?" I asked and almost dared him to mention my name.

He stood and swayed a bit before pointing a shaky finger at me. "You, Edward. You are such a lucky bastard and you don't even know it. You live like a freaking child as everything falls at your feet."

I swung at the hand he had pointing at me and knocked it down. I wasn't putting up with his shit today. I was terrified and if he wanted to play the martyr he could do it somewhere else. "You're the one who is leaving," I said hatefully.

"And because I'm being mature you tossed me aside," he said with a sad voice.

"No, I got pulled into your 'have it all' bullshit and that is exactly what it is. Now you're running away and I'm stuck here in a life I never wanted."

He stared at me for several moments and then turned to leave the room. "Call me when you grow the hell up," he said and had to hold onto the wall to make it to Alice's room. I headed to my own room and slammed the door harshly.

That was how I spent the weekend of my wedding; sex was the furthest thing from everyone's mind. I concentrated on school and made sure I was never in the lab when Jasper was. Alice finally moved to his small apartment and Emmett moved in with Rose.

One day Bella came home and told me I needed to attend a doctor appointment with her. She seemed a bit nervous and I wondered if there was some physical I needed to have and she was keeping it from me. I didn't care if I had to turn and cough. I rather enjoyed that sort of thing.

We sat in an exam room when an elderly, white haired man walked in, totally undoable. He looked over Bella's chart and then looked up with a frown. "You need to gain more weight," he said and I wanted to punch a wall. She already had a tiny bump, what more did he want?

"She eats yogurt and an entire slice of toast," I said, and hoped he would smack his forehead and tell her to back off the toast.

"She needs to double her calories," he said sternly and Bella nodded.

It was par for the course. Bella would balloon into a totally undoable slob and I would be an unsexy father, never scoring again. My life sucked.

We left the appointment and Bella stared out the window. "What's wrong," I asked her.

"Nothing, I'm worried about finals," she said and I knew she was lying. Bella was a good student and she would graduate regardless of how finals worked out. We pulled into the driveway and she glanced at the house and said, "I think I'm going to see my dad this weekend."

I rubbed my eyes and took a breath to steady my reaction. I was pissed she wanted to run off instead of tell me what was really going on, but I planned to hit some clubs so I nodded and got out of the car. She pulled out her phone and remained in the car as she talked.

I got in the shower and when I got out she was packing a small bag. "I'll be back by Monday," she said and then walked over to hug me.

"You don't have to go, I'll stop being an ass," I said although I wasn't sure exactly how to stop.

She smiled and gave me a quick kiss. "I love you," she offered and walked out of the room.

I felt guilty so I yelled a quick, "I love you, too."

I fell onto my bed and stared up at the ceiling wondering if I could follow through with my intentions tonight or if the ring on my finger would keep me home. The door opened and I expected to see Bella, saying she had forgotten something. Instead Jasper looked back at me.

I sat up with shock and he smiled shyly and walked over to my bed. "Bella sent me," he said softly and sat down.

"My Bella?" I asked stupidly.

"Yeah, she said you're feeling down and she wants us to have a weekend together," he said and I realized just how much I truly loved Bella. She knew deep down I was missing Jasper, and she sent him to me, without making me make the decision. I grabbed him by the cheeks with both of my hands and kissed him with all the force of how much I missed him. He responded in every way, quickly removing his own clothing and rolling me on top of him. This was too much, too much happiness and too much pleasure. I began to cry and he never laughed or seemed revolted by me. He kissed my tears and told me over and over again that he loved me. I didn't deserve him or Bella. She amazed me and I wished she was here so I could tell her how I felt.

We spent the weekend together, never leaving the bed, we even ate there. I finally found the nerve to say what I had wanted to say for four months. "Jasper, don't go to Georgia. I can't go on without you," I begged.

He kissed me softly and said, "Give me one year Edward, please."

One year didn't sound like much, but realizing I would be a father and law student the next time I saw him, it sounded like a lifetime. "Can we see each other during the year?" I asked him, planning to book a flight right away if he said yes.

"I'll be teaching, so I won't have a lot of free time," he said, as if law school would be full of free time.

"Can you make time for me?" I asked forcefully.

He hesitated and I was just about to tell him to get out of my bed and go do himself, but he finally looked at me and said, "Alice is expecting."

I couldn't believe he didn't tell me that the moment he walked into my room. It was what he had been working for and he said it like an afterthought. I punched his arm and laughed, "Way to go Whitlock."

He groaned and said, "It was the hardest thing I have ever done."

"Really, it just kind of happened for me," I laughed and he finally laughed with me.

I felt a sense of relief knowing he was going to be a father too, putting us both in the not doable category. I kissed him and he tried to push me away. "I have to go," he finally admitted.

Our weekend suddenly seemed too short. The next week was finals and then school was over. Bella and I would graduate and Jasper and Alice would leave Washington. If I could find some way to hold him hostage in my bed, I would.

"Can I see you before you go to Georgia?" I asked with just a hint of fear.

"I'll talk to Bella," he said as he pulled his jeans on. It sounded like Bella was my mother and he had to get permission for a sleep over. I watched him dress and mentally compared every inch of him to me, finding only admiration.

He pulled on his shirt and then looked down at me. "Are you going to be faithful for the year?" he asked.

"To Bella?" I clarified.

"To me," he said and watched for my reaction.

"I've been loyal to Bella until she sent you here. I'm not a complete loser," I said with a roll of my eyes.

He bit his lip and finally reached into his pocket and pulled out another band and held it out to me. "If you wear my ring you can't be with any other man. Do you want it?" he asked and I stared at him in shock.

"Can I get one for you?" I asked and reached out to take the ring.

He pulled his hand back and said again, "Will you be faithful?"

I laughed and nodded so he let me take the ring and put it on the opposite hand of Bella's. He leaned over to kiss me one last time and headed out the door. I wondered if I could actually go a year without a man. It would be a first, and if Bella sent Jasper here after three months she would be flying him in on a regular basis.

I tried to fill my head with a new mantra_, Edward Masen won't cheat_, but I wasn't sure I was buying it.

14

Graduation was a time to celebrate. We had a big party at the house and spent the day drinking a keg and stuffing ourselves with food. People came and went throughout the day, but by evening it was me and Bella, Rose and Emmett, Jasper and Alice, and Carlisle and Esme.

I looked around the room and began to laugh. A room full of gay men with their women, it was comical. I raised my glass and said, "All the men have done each other, what about the women?"

Esme looked confused and Carlisle glared at me, causing me to laugh even harder. I was drunk but I was clear enough to realize how messed up everything was. "Bella, my love," I said with a laugh. "How is our little nugget doing?"

"You're drunk," she said angrily.

"Of course I'm drunk," I said loudly. "I graduated from College. I'm a man now with a wife and child on the way. What better reason to drink?"

"Edward," Jasper said and shook his head.

"Oh Jas, my love," I said and raised my glass to him. "We're the perfect pair, out of the closet and hiding behind babies. You sir, are the biggest of all hypocrites."

"Go ahead, if it makes you feel better," Jasper said softly and the room grew quiet.

I knew what I was saying, I wasn't that drunk, but I now had the courage to say it. I stared at his face, the one I had dreamed about for years and then kissed in my bed. He was sitting with his arm around Alice and she stared at me with a mixture of hate and guilt. My eyes moved to Emmett who looked totally natural with Rose on his lap. I finally moved to look at Bella. She was wearing a maternity top and her eyes wouldn't meet mine. She never forced me into this, she was willing to stay away but I pulled her back in. I walked up to where she stood and waited for her to look up at me.

I smiled softly and leaned over to kiss her tenderly. "I'm sorry," I said and wondered if she knew exactly how sorry I was for the mess we were in.

"I love you," she whispered and I nodded and swallowed deeply. "Yeah, and I love you," I said in response.

Music was playing and I put my hand on her back and pulled her against my body. We began dancing slowly, existing in a world all of our own. I felt safe in Bella's arms and I wanted her to feel safe in mine. I felt a soft kick come from her belly and we both laughed and moved even closer to each other.

Esme and Carlisle left, but we continued dancing. Rose and Emmett moved into her bedroom and Alice and Jasper got ready to leave. He walked up to where Bella and I were dancing and said, "Edward, we're leaving. I want to say goodbye."

"Goodbye," I mumbled without looking at him or moving out of Bella's arms.

"Edward, please," he said with an emotion filled voice.

I pulled his ring from my finger and held it out for him, but kept my face buried in Bella's neck. I knew it was cruel and it hurt him, but it was nothing compared to how much it was hurting me. He took the ring and walked out the door. Bella kept me in her arms as I cried from the confusion I was suffocating from.

Life move forward, no matter how much I wanted it to slow down it marched on. I went with Bella to an appointment for a sonogram. We hoped to find out we were having a girl, but instead found out we were having a boy. The box I was stuck in just got smaller.

I honestly didn't think I would have to interact very much with a girl. She would be Bella's responsibility, but a boy added pressure. I wasn't athletic or enjoyed things like fishing and camping, so how was I supposed to interact with a son?

I was having a hard time sleeping at night and it only got worse when we attended parenting classes. I found out babies cry….a lot. They cry when they are hungry, dirty, or simply for exercise. How was I supposed to study with a baby constantly crying?

We practiced changing diapers, which I wasn't going to do. We practiced holding a baby close since they can only see the distance from the mother's breast to her face. We even practiced swaddling them in blankets so they would feel safe, like in the womb.

After every class Bella would spend the drive home assuring me she would handle everything until I felt comfortable. I never told her I didn't plan on ever being comfortable. The empty spot on my right hand where Jasper's ring used to be haunted me. It felt like a ghost constantly pulling on me. I was slowly becoming undoable, I never smiled anymore, or laughed, or joked around. I was worried all the time and spent the summer studying to get a jump on my classes, and to keep my mind off the impending doom. Bella got bigger, but only in the stomach. She still had her long, thin legs and arms. I stopped looking at her when she dressed and we only had sex twice all summer.

I vacillated between hating Jasper and missing him so much it hurt, but I never picked up a man. I wouldn't do that to Bella. She was my only link to sanity and I couldn't blow it.

School started and we were waiting for the birth. Bella was miserable, but I was wallowing in my own misery. I came home from class to find my father's car waiting outside my house. It was shocking on so many levels. Dad never took time away from the office, and if he did it wasn't spent with me. I walked to the car window and looked at his controlled face.

"Edward, may I take you to lunch?" he asked and I looked at my watch to see it was two in the afternoon. What the hell, I got in the car and waited for him to speak. We drove to the Four Seasons and went into the restaurant without saying a word to each other.

He ordered a drink and so did I, this must be a liquor worthy discussion heading for me. He finally looked at me and said, "Edward, are you happy?"

I couldn't remember my father ever wondering about my happiness. It shocked me, and touched me at the same time. I tried to be a brave man and hold my ground, but I folded like a kid. I began to cry and my father sat stoically until I calmed down.

"Son," he said with a tight voice. "This should be the best time of your life."

Was he trying to purposefully hurt me? This wasn't the best part of my life, it was terrifying. I cleared my throat and asked, "Were you scared when mom was expecting me?"

"A bit, but we wanted a baby so badly," he said with a slight smile.

"See, I never wanted a baby, and now I'm expecting a son. I'll be a horrible father," I said with disgust at myself.

"You only have two choices, walk away or be the best father you can be." He made it sound simple, as if a firm decision would make everything better.

"I can't walk away from Bella, and I have no idea how to be a father," I said with a sigh.

"Are you in love with Bella?" he asked me bluntly.

"No, but I love Bella," I answered honestly. I was in love with Jasper, but he only managed to hurt me.

"The greatest gift you can give a child is to love its mother. I wasn't a very good father, but I was an excellent husband," he said with a hint of regret. "Edward, it is natural to look at other people with…lust or desire, but a real man knows love is more important than sex."

"I'm not sleeping around on her," I said quickly to stop his speculation. I couldn't stomach the thought of hooking up or being hurt again.

"From where I sit, you're a pretty lucky man," he added and actually touched my hand with his.

I stared down at his fingers and wondered if my son would feel the warmth from me I was feeling from my dad. This was love and so much more fulfilling than sex. I stood from the table and came over to hug my father, the first hug I could ever remember giving him.

We ate and chatted about law school and when he pulled in front of my house I smiled at him, "Thanks, dad." Our connection was way too late, but we managed to make one regardless.

"You're welcome, and son, we are only a phone call away," he added. I nodded and got out of the car.

I came into the house to find Bella lying on the couch with Rose massaging her feet. I walked over and told Rose I would take over now. She leaned over to kiss Bella's ankle and then left the room. I sat down and began rubbing her feet as she moaned in pleasure.

"I went to eat with my father," I told her and her head snapped up in surprise. "He told me the best thing I could do for our son is to love his mother."

"I always knew your father was brilliant," she laughed.

"He admitted being a weak father, but he was a great husband. I'm afraid I'll be weak at both," I said sadly.

"Edward, haven't you wondered why I would be willing to marry a gay guy and share him with a man?"

I shook my head, because I never thought about anyone else. My world was all about me.

"My parents divorced with I was four. I don't trust love or marriage. I wanted a baby because I would have someone who loved me unconditionally. I don't believe we'll work out, but I'll have a part of you forever."

"I haven't made you happy, have I?" I asked with a first glimpse of self awareness.

Bella smiled and rubbed her large stomach. "I'm so proud of you, Edward," she said and I felt even worse. She was proud of me for sticking with her even though I was brooding and moody. I had managed the one thing she never thought I would, I stayed loyal.

I placed my hand on her stomach and then leaned over to kiss her bulging flesh. It wasn't just a baby, or a reason I was stuck, it was part of me and Bella. I felt I could do this if I had another year to prepare but I didn't, I only had a few days.

"Have you picked a name?" I asked her since I left that up to her, too.

"I was thinking about Charles Edward, after both of our fathers," she said hesitantly and I cringed but kept my mouth shut. If it was what Bella wanted, I would go along with it.

"I'll put the crib up tonight," I promised since he would be coming any day now.

Bella moved over to lay her head on my chest so I wrapped her tightly in my arms. "I had a dream," she said softly. "He was born but nobody would let me see him."

"I would never let that happen," I told her, feeling very protective of both her and the baby. "He'll be beautiful, Bella."

She tightened her hold on me and said, "Yes, he will."

We never left the couch the entire night. We slept off and on in each other's arms, feeling an intimacy I had never experienced before. I thought about our child and about Bella's abilities as a mother. I thought about my parents and how much they were going to love being grandparents. I even thought about Charlie and how he would take my son camping and fishing if it was what he was into. The only thing that never crossed my mind was Jasper.

15

I stared at the crib and then back at all the extra bolts lying on the ground. I tried to follow the directions, but I was more into fashion than construction. I couldn't put a baby in a crib that was put together incorrectly. I grabbed the directions in frustration and tried to start over.

Emmett peeked his head through the door and I had never been so happy to see him in my life. He was gay too, but he could maneuver the world of tools better than me. We spent the next hour reworking the instructions and got the crib put together.

I ran to find Bella to show off our handiwork. She was in the kitchen, leaning against the counter holding her stomach. I felt a chill run through my body. "Are you okay?" I asked as my knees shook.

"I think I'm in labor," she said softly and I felt an overwhelming urge to run. Emmett yelled for Rose and she came in and helped Bella into a chair.

"Do you have a bag packed?" Rose asked.

"No," Bella admitted.

Rose glared at me and said, "Pack her a nightgown, clothes to wear home, something for the baby to dress in, and toiletries."

"Huh," was all my brain would say.

"Come one Edward, you're gay, pack a bag," she yelled at me.

I could pack for a romantic weekend, or a cruise, or a vacation with a lover, but packing for a hospital stay as you had a baby was way beyond my capabilities. Rose finally ran to my room and began packing for me. I sat next to Bella and begged her to keep her legs tightly closed.

"It's going to be fine," she said, but I could see her shaking.

I tried to come up with something to say to comfort her, but the only words to leave my mouth were, "I hate the name Charles Edward."

Her mouth opened wide and she said, "Do you want Edward Anthony Jr?"

"That's worse," I blurted out and her eyes filled with tears. I was upsetting her instead of comforting her. I struggled to find something appropriate to say, but I was at a loss.

Rose ran back into the room with a small bag and handed it to me. "Okay, go," she commanded.

"Wait," I yelled, too afraid to face what was coming. "Are you sure this is real?" I asked.

Bella took my hands and said softly, "Edward, let's go meet our son."

I stared into her eyes and gathered the strength I needed before standing and helping her to our car. She became more and more uncomfortable as we drove and I began to drive faster and faster. Bella was taken right to a room as I stayed to fill out forms. When I caught up to her she was lying in bed with a smile on her face.

I instantly relaxed to see she was out of pain. I sat next to her and held her hand. I expected a baby to come crawling from under the covers, but we waited, and waited, and waited. A nurse would come check on us every half hour, but nothing was going on.

I was exhausted emotionally and began having all kinds of doubts. I began to imagine Bella and the baby dying, and how it would be my fault. I was slowly unraveling and didn't know how to stop myself from imploding.

Bella finally looked at me and said, "Edward, go call Jasper. I think you need him right now."

I shook my head emphatically. I wasn't going to betray her when she needed me. She finally said, "Edward, you're making me nervous. Please go call him."

I left the room and wasn't sure what to do. I headed to the end of the hallway and dialed Jasper's number. He answered right away. "Edward?"

"Yeah, um….Bella's in labor," I said awkwardly.

"That's great," he said with a laugh and I felt sick inside. "Is everything going well?"

"It's slow, we've been here for hours," I said.

"God, I bet you are so excited," he said wrongly. "Just think, by tonight you'll be holding your son in your arms."

"Yeah," I said quietly.

"I miss you," he said in response and I felt my stomach wrench. He had called a few times, but I never answered the call or listened to his messages. I was bitter and angry, but the sound of his voice wasn't giving me the lift Bella expected.

"I better get back," I said and he remained quiet for a moment.

"Edward," he said, "Give Bella my best and congratulations to both of you."

I never even asked about Alice, because I really didn't care. I hung up and looked back at the room. I couldn't go inside right now, so I headed to the gift shop. I looked at the tiny baby things and finally picked out a large blue bear and a soft blue blanket. I got a bag of peanut M&M's for Bella and went back upstairs to see if anything was progressing.

She looked at my purchases and said, "You spoke with Jasper?"

I didn't want her to think I bought her something because he told me to, which he didn't, so I lied. "No, he didn't answer."

Her smile widened and she reached out for my hand. We waited through the evening and suddenly everyone got serious. Bella's bed was broken down into a delivery table and the doctor sat between her legs with a bright light. I kept my eyes closed; there was never an urge to see childbirth regardless of whose baby it was.

When they asked if I wanted to cut the cord I shook my head vehemently. Bella took my hand and said, "Edward, look at him."

I finally opened my eyes to see her holding a crying baby on her chest. He was covered with some white yucky coating and I could feel my face pull into a grimace. A nurse took him away and began weighing him and cleaning him off. I followed her to stare at the wailing, tiny thing. Once they had him wrapped in a blanket with a funky hat on his head, they held him out for me to hold.

"Oh, no," I said quickly. "Give him to Bella."

I looked over to see Bella with an oxygen mask on her face and the doctor working furiously on her. "What's wrong?" I asked with terror.

"Come on Mr. Masen, follow us to the nursery," a nurse said and pulled on my arm. I yanked away from her and rushed over to Bella's bed. She was pale white and a nurse pushed me out of the way.

"We're taking her into surgery," she said and the bed was pushed from the room. I stood there dumbstruck as my son screamed for his mother. I couldn't move. I couldn't even feel my legs. A nurse walked up and handed me a small bundle. I looked at my arms and saw a face that looked like me and Bella. He had her dark hair and my long nose. His mouth had my shape but Bella's thickness. We were alone in the world, and only had each other. I moved to a chair and sat down as he calmed in my arms.

"I'm sorry," I said to him, hoping he knew he deserved someone better than me.

"What's his name?" A nurse asked me.

"Lane Anthony Masen," I said out of the blue. I don't know why I named him that; it was as if he chose his own name. It was who he was, and I wanted him to always be comfortable with who he was.

The room emptied and I was left alone with my son. It was just me and him and I was so afraid Bella would leave us and it would always be just me and him. I spoke to him softly, "Mommy will be fine, and she'll be back soon." I wasn't sure who I was trying to comfort more, me or him.

Lane squirmed and made weird noises, each time scaring me he would break into loud cries. I continued to talk to him, convincing myself it would make time pass quicker. "You have a great mother," I told him. "She's funny and pretty and so uncoordinated. She stutters and trips and dresses awful, but she is the greatest woman in the world."

I didn't bother telling him anything about me. It was Bella he should know, not me. I never once thought to call for help. I sat with my son and waited. I didn't think about Charlie or Renee, or even my own parents. It was me and my son, waiting for our strength to return. Nurses came and went and I honestly can't remember what we talked about. I was consumed by my worry for Bella.

Lane never cried, he slept in my arms as I studied his face. I wanted to remember every detail and know for a couple of hours of his life he was content to have me as his dad.

When the doctor walked into the room I remained seated. I watched as he pulled a chair up in front of me and sat down. "Mr. Masen," he started and my heart was racing. "Your wife is having problems with her heart. Her pressure dropped and her heart began skipping beats. We think she will stabilize after the transfusion, but right now she is very ill."

I looked at the baby in my arms and felt lost. The doctor smiled softly and said, "I suggest you give the baby formula until your wife is stronger."

I had no idea what it would mean to Bella or if she would be angry for giving our baby formula. I needed her to tell me what to do. "Can I see her?" I asked.

"Yes, but she isn't responsive right now," he said and I nodded as tears filled my eyes. A nurse reached for Lane and I reluctantly gave him up. I followed the doctor to a room to find Bella hooked up to various machines. She was so pale and looked so tiny among the machines.

I walked up to her side and leaned over to kiss a small bare patch on her face. I moved my mouth to her ear and whispered, "Come back to us, Bella. We need you."

I sat by her side until people began to arrive. Rose and Emmett sent a nurse for me. I walked to the waiting room and they both circled me with their arms. It felt odd coming from Rose, but Emmett's arms were familiar and comforting. I held onto his large body and let him hold me up.

"What can we do for you, Edward?" Rose asked.

"Can you sit with Bella while I check on Lane?" I said and they both nodded. I left and went to the nursery. Lane was lying in a crib and I picked him up and sat in a rocker. A nurse brought me a bottle and I had to coax it into his mouth. She showed me how to burp him and I felt like my hands were too big to maneuver him, but he burped and fell right to sleep.

I walked him back to the crib and the nurse handed me a tiny diaper. I took off the blanket and looked at his long skinny legs, just like Bella's. I changed the diaper easily and felt a boost of confidence by performing such a simple duty.

He cried as I rewrapped him, so I held him to my shoulder and bounced him until he quieted. It was just me and my boy, and so far we were fine. I placed him back in the crib and went to Bella's room. The oxygen mask was still on but her eyes were now open. I took her hand and smiled at her. "Rest Bella, I'm taking care of Lane, don't worry about a thing."

For the first time in my life I felt like a real man, not a gay man, or a selfish man, by a man capable of being a father.

16

I was trying to keep very quiet as I pulled hanger after hanger from Bella's closet. She was lying on the bed with Lane as I cleaned out her offensive wardrobe. I held up a blue shirt that buttoned down the front.

"I like that one," she whispered.

"Really, because white haired women in Florida like this shirt, too," I answered and dumped it into the 'no' pile.

"I don't have money for a new wardrobe," she complained.

"We'll go in debt, it will be worth it," I told her and pulled out her favorite pair of jeans which I despised.

"No, Edward," she said forcefully.

"Come on, I'll give you something you want if you'll get rid of these," I bargained.

"Fine," she said and I smiled. "I'll let you throw them out if you call Jasper."

My smile fell and I turned back to the closet so she couldn't see my face. "I don't want to talk to him," I said.

Bella got off the bed and walked over to stand behind me. She kissed my back and let her hands circle around my waist. I took hold of her clasped hands and said, "I love you, Bella. I don't need him."

"It is easy to say when you're angry and he is so far away. You need to know for sure, Edward." I turned so I could hold her in my arms and looked into her eyes. She placed her hand on my cheek and said, "I can share you with him, but only him."

I opened my mouth to say something to convince her I was fine with things the way they were but she put her finger over my lips. "I want you to go see him, for me."

"Why?" I asked.

"Because you're still here and you seem happy, I need to know it is a choice and not forced," she said and then pulled out of my arms. She went back to the bed and spoke sweetly to our son. I closed my eyes and tried to picture myself with Jasper. My heart sped up and I grew hard at the thought, but maybe it was only sex I was missing.

I waited for two weeks, when there was a school break and then flew to Georgia. I didn't tell Jasper I was coming, and wasn't too sure I would even speak to him. I found his address and sat in my car for several moments, until the heat sent me to the door.

Alice answered with her own bulge in front of her. She jumped up and down and gave me a big hug. Jasper came from the other room and leaned against the doorframe to stare at me. He was still gorgeous, looking like an angel with his golden curls. His shirt was tight over his flat abs and his jeans fit perfectly on his hips.

"Hi," I said with a weak voice.

He tossed his head toward the hallway and I followed him into a room. It was stylish and manly and something told me it was his room, with Alice sleeping in another. I shut the door behind me and turned to find him right in front of me. He grabbed my neck and pulled me to his mouth. I felt attacked and held back as he devoured my mouth.

"God, I missed you," he murmured and began running his hands over my body.

I finally pushed him away as I tried to catch my breath. I realized it was usually me who took whatever I wanted, but I wasn't sure what I wanted or if Jasper was even part of the equation.

"How's Alice?" I asked as my mind was reeling.

"Good, we're having a girl," he said as his eyes burned into me.

I reached in my pocket and pulled out my wallet. I handed him a picture of Lane and he glanced at it. His lack of attention angered me. "Look at it," I yelled. "He's my son, my everything."

"He's adorable," Jasper said and looked at the picture for a couple of moments.

I ran my fingers through my hair and said, "He's real, not some concept of having it all. I'm his father and that's real, too."

"Do you know what I meant now?" he asked and I had to resist the urge to punch him.

"You don't have a clue what you meant. It is all a show for you. The perky wife you can't screw, the baby who will never know who her father really is, and the idiot gay guy willing to wear your ring so you can have him whenever you want. It doesn't work that way."

"Is that why you traveled all this way, to tell me it won't be what I expect?" he asked and sat on the edge of his bed.

"No, Bella sent me. See, she's the real angel and you're just a good fuck."

"So is that why you're here? Because I'll accommodate you if you need a good fuck," he said hatefully and I laughed. There was a time when his words were all it would take to spend an hour in his bed, but I wasn't that person anymore.

"I used to blame you for messing up my life," I said sadly. "But it isn't messed up. I just needed to grow up and realize what love really is."

"So you're not gay?" he asked with a smirk, "Because I'm pretty sure once your gay, you remain gay."

"Oh I'm gay. I'm attracted to men, but I also understand that I love Bella, because she is good and everything I want to be. I never realized Emmett was a better man than you."

I turned to leave and Jasper grabbed my arm. He looked scared and desperate. "Don't go," he said quickly. "I was wrong, I can't make this work. I need you, Edward. I can't stand being here with Alice."

I took hold of the back of his hair and held his face right in front of mine. I smiled and licked my lips before saying, "You sicken me." I walked out and drove right to the airport.

When I walked through my front door later that night Bella looked at me with shock. I held open my arms and she moved quickly into them. I held her tightly as I kissed her neck and made my way to her mouth. I wanted her, not just sex, but her. My hands moved to her butt and I pulled her legs around me.

I carried her to her our bedroom and saw Lane lying in our bed. "Bella," I said teasingly. "Another man is in my bed."

She laughed and dropped her legs. "I just fed him," she said and I walked over to pick him up. I carried him to his own room and placed him in the crib. We stood together and watched as he resettled and went back to sleep. I turned to look at her and she smiled and then took off running to our room.

Chasing her down got me hot, really hot and I tackled her onto the bed. She pulled off her own shirt and I began kissing her chest as she wiggled out of her pants, God awful, ugly pants. I resisted the urge to turn her over and kept all images of Jasper out of my head. It was Bella I wanted and I watched every second on her face. I was the one giving her so much pleasure and for a gay man it was an indescribable sight. She moaned and sighed and when she fell over the edge I followed right along with her. We were tangled in each other's arms and legs when she finally asked me about the trip. "How's Jasper?"

"A blind fool," I said hatefully. "They don't even share a room."

"How did you feel when you saw him?" she asked.

I thought for a moment and then said, "I felt like my eyes had been opened and he was nothing but a pretty face."

"Did you…um…you know…like…."

"Bella," I laughed, "You haven't stuttered with me in months. Are you nervous?"

She smiled and nodded her head so I tightened my arms around her. "I love the mother of my son," I said with conviction. "I didn't do anything with Jasper."

She raised her head and looked at me with a smile. "I have amazing news for you," she said and I couldn't imagine what it could be.

"What?"

"Your mother is taking me shopping for clothes," she said and I threw my hands into the air in praise. I trusted my mother implicitly to dress Bella in a stylish way. I rolled over onto her and looked down at her smiling face.

"I love the color dark blue on you," I admitted, "And skinny jeans, with tight, low shirts."

"God, who would believe you are gay, you perv," she laughed.

"Just listen to my mom, I'll agree with anything she says," I said and kissed her again.

When Lane began to cry I jumped up and pulled on my boxers in case Rose and Emmett were home, and then ran to get my boy. I picked up the screaming baby and held him to my shoulder. "Come on little guy, Daddy's got you." I carried him to our bed and Bella pulled him to her breast. I watched her feed him and felt another level of love for her.

I realized my life was so full because of Jasper. He turned my life in another direction just because I selfishly found him doable. I laughed at the thought of having it all, but somehow, some weird confused way, I ended up with just that.

I was married to my best friend, who because of her own insecurities understood I was gay and never expected me to be faithful. We had a child who changed me the first time I held him and turned me into a man. I didn't need my lover, because I had the love of more important people in my life. And then to top it all off, I was going to be one heck of a lawyer. It wasn't my love of the law, but my desire to provide for my family.

I was walking through the sea of graduates looking for Bella, and Lane, and Lisle, our six month old daughter. It turned out Bella and I were pros at procreating. We held off on sex, not because I was gay, but because she got pregnant every time I touched her.

I saw her coming out of the bathroom holding Lane's hand and carrying Lisle on her hip. She was pale and looked exhausted. I rushed over to her and took our daughter from her arms. "Are you okay?" I asked.

"No, you ass," she mumbled and I knew what she meant.

"God Bella, you were on the pill this time," I complained.

"Obviously it doesn't stop gay sperm," she said angrily.

"Three kids with the oldest one only three?" I said and felt a bit weak in the knees. It was a good thing I had a job waiting for me. Dad's firm was successful and we would be able to finally buy our own house.

"From now on we only have gay sex," she said adamantly and I nodded in agreement. She shushed me when my parents approached. I gave Lisle to my mother and then hugged my father. Bella picked up Lane and I quickly took him from her.

"Daddy, you wook funny," he said about my cap and gown.

"I'm rocking the robe," I told him and tossed him into the air. "Did you see daddy graduate?"

"I hungwy," he said with a pout. We quickly headed out to dinner and I tried to handle the kids since Bella looked ready to barf and any moment. I sat Lane in a high chair and helped him eat as I held a bottle in Lisle's mouth and managed to eat my own food, too.

My mother watched with pride and I was sure it had nothing to do with graduating from law school. After Bella's third time to the bathroom my parents grew suspicious. "Is Bella okay?" my mom asked.

"Well, she might be expecting," I admitted.

"Son, can you refrain from, I mean I thought you were gay?" she said with anger at me and sorrow for Bella.

"It isn't my fault she gets pregnant every time I look at her. We hardly ever have sex, but I guess I'm just extra potent," I said with my famous smirk.

When we got home I bathed the kids and got them both put to bed before coming into the room. I expected to find Bella either head first in the toilet or sound asleep. Instead she was dressed in one of my dress shirts and tie, her long bare legs extending from the shirt. Her hair was pulled back into a tight bun, making her appear to have a crew cut.

"What's going on?" I asked her as I got very excited.

She tossed a bottle of lube on the bed and then turned around and bent over to look at me through her legs. "You aren't getting the chance to knock me up again, so get used to this view Mr. Masen. Is this doable?" she said with a husky voice.

I walked up behind her and held her hips tightly, "Oh yeah, Mrs. Masen, you are totally doable."

**THE END**


End file.
